TED Talks breakups

The TED Talks To Watch When You're Going Through A Break-Up Hang in there big guyIllustration by Alex Coll. by Jess Commons Posted on 04 08 2014. Cari Weinberg: Lessons I Learned From The Break-Up That Nearly Broke Me. TED Talk Subtitles and Transcript: At some point in our lives, almost every one of us will have our heart broken. Imagine how different things would be if we paid more attention to this unique emotional pain. Psychologist Guy Winch reveals how recovering from heartbreak starts with a determination to fight our instincts to idealize and search for answers that aren't there -- and offers a ... She talks about how heartbreak hurts you and changes you, but that once you're over that 'mother of all break-ups' it's like finding gold in your backyard. This ted talk gave me hope but my grieving journey and helped in understanding that the pain that I felt/am feeling is truly awful, but it will make me stronger in the long term. 6. TED Talks. Browse the library of TED talks and speakers. TED Recommends. Get TED Talks picked just for you. Playlists. 100+ collections of TED Talks, for curious minds. TED Series. Go deeper into fascinating topics with original video series from TED. TED-Ed videos. Genghis Khan and the Making of the Modern World. Jack Weatherford Breakups are extremely painful at the best of times, but it must be especially devastating when the life you were looking forward to having after the shutdown is no longer possible. ... His three TED Talks have been viewed over 20 million times, and his science-based self-help books have been translated into 26 languages. ... [4:27-4:54]: So breakups, I would argue are worthy of celebration. I don’t know if you’ve had any of these kinds of breakups, but I have and they’re glorious. It’s really fantastic. But I acknowledge that―I mean that sounds, you know, I’m talking about breakup. ted talks on breakups. The Top 10 TED Talks to Enhance Your Dating Life - WayTooSocial. 2 mins ago - These top 10 dating TED talks will help you rev up your love life and get the girl of your dreams. Discover the secrets to developing healthy, ... Events 2017 2017 London 2016 London 2015 2014 London 2014 2013 2012 2011 2010 Facts Talks Speakers Press Partners Contact. VIEW: All 2017 2017 London 2016 London 2015 2014 London 2014 2013 2012 2011 2010. ... This Independent TEDx event is operated under license from TED.

Passionate, dramatic and over the top romantic gestures are needed to keep a relationship blissful

2020.10.19 18:02 KismetHeartfilia Passionate, dramatic and over the top romantic gestures are needed to keep a relationship blissful

I'm talking about the stuff you see in movies, tv dramas, video games - all of the good stuff. The loud declarations of love, the corny moments, heck even the mini breakups and inevitable rekindling of the relationship. The moments of obsession where nothing else matters but your partner. The feeling like you would die for the other person if needed.
Society has this weird almost split down the middle view on these types of relationships. The Entertainment industry pumps it out constantly and the "young and dumb" (what the other side sees it as) mainly female viewership eats it all up right? And then there's the other side, the older, jaded, more "mature" viewership think it's toxic and unhealthy in every way.
My opinion is that it is actually needed and relationships don't have enough of it anymore, and therefore why it's getting increasingly difficult for couples to stay together and be happy. Too soon do we throw away the notion of being overly passionate and dramatic about love. We see it as the "Honeymoon" phase and then move on to being responsible adults, tossing aside the basic elements of passion and drama that may have been the very basis for the relationships in the first place.
I'm not saying maturity needs to be discard in favor of drama and passion and cheesy gestures, however it's unfortunate that "growing up" most likely means not allowing oneself to have these feelings and moments anymore. They make a person feel alive. Even if it's a disagreement, the idea that the person is worth a fight makes you realize you are treasured and worth a damn.
Real life gets in the way, definitely. If you have kids - it's going to be tough. A job that drains you and takes up your time, even more so. You can definitely have a healthy and good relationship by being familiar with your significant other and loving the peace and calm that comes with it. But I'm speaking out to all of you that have the opportunity or are in a situation that requires action. The ones that feel like the relationship is stagnant or dying and is not worth the effort.
It shouldn't be something to be ashamed of, to act like a hero or heroine in a romantic comedy. Looking deeply into your partner's eyes and professing your love for them in lyrical ways should be applauded, not met with a roll of the eyes or friends making vomiting noises. Holding a boombox outside your partner of 2 year's window just to make a show of it should be gushed at - not embarrassed or hushed.
I also feel bad for Men that have to simultaneously be held to the standards of celebrities in movies but then can't be too emotional or make grand gestures without coming off as creepy at times. If we are going to teach impressionable children and teens what love and relationships are like via entertainment outlets, there shouldn't be such reproach to it being acted out in real life. We need to normalize this behavior. Bring back the good kind of drama, and passion and cheesy goodness into relationships!!
P.s. notice I say the good kind - no actual physical or verbal/mental abuse obviously. And No, not like Joe from "You" lol
Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk. Have a lovely day even if I get downvoted!
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2020.10.16 22:18 SAM12489 What did any of you people expect?

I listened to the show from the beginning, for about a year, and as funny as the girls were, I cringed to myself with every download knowing that I was supporting barstool sports. Given the way this whole “civil war” and breakup has happened, I’m happy I stopped wasting my time, downloads, likes and subscribes. I would have loved to have had a way to support the girls, but unfortunately I just can’t do it with the organization. Regardless of how it happened, and regardless of the money, Sofia is in a better pace by being out of there. Hearing about how Dave has “responded” just makes me feel so unsurprised.
It’s fucking barstoolsports....what on earth do any of you people fucking expect?!?!? They’re hyper-ego, misogynists posing as female empowerers, money over everything, frat bros.
WHY ON EARTH would anyone who has a brain not expect this type of behavior from their leadership?
And dats my TED talk.
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2020.10.16 17:15 Omega1556 I'm in a bit of a peculiar situation right now

See, my crush, is also my best friend. I had her in my Chinese class 2 years ago, but didn't really start being friends with her until last year, when we both ended up in our High School's marching band. Back then she was still dating someone, but he broke up with her in February, ironically a week before Valentine's day. She's a great friend, always been there for me, and we share many common interests. Back before COVID we both knew we liked each other, but when I asked if we wanted to start dating she said not then, because of her recent breakup. Fast forward to now. I mainly see her during marching band practice, and after practice we'll spend the entire night texting each other. Some days too we'll get lunch together, after or before practice. I want to ask her out, but I got so many questions and ifs. Does she still like me? She's so busy when can I get some private time with her to ask? Should I even date her? With COVID around I don't know if I'll be able to see her as much, and even worse, when we split up, I'll lose her as a friend forever. There are so many other questions as well, I just don't know what to do except stay course and just keep doing what I've been doing with her. I don't know, I guess I need a bit of a place to rant. Thanks for coming to my ted talk or whatever.
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2020.10.10 00:15 bb-tron How I'm Doing Six Weeks Post-Breakup (...still not great)

This is gonna be the length of a fucking novel, but I just need to get all this off of my chest. I wanted to write to you again because last time it helped, and I've been feeling myself starting to slip into a depression again. I swear to god, I've been trying to find a therapist, but they're weirdly difficult to get in touch with. I've called this one practice four times during their business hours, and they haven't answered. Apparently, they send all of their calls straight to voicemail and then call back later?? I don't know how the fuck that makes sense, but okay. I haven't left the house at all since Monday, when I had a doctor's appointment, which probably isn't helping my mental state. I've been trying to snap myself out of this decline by any means. I've been watching TED talks about self-love and healing from breakups. I finally got around to making that list about all of the things that weren't good about our relationship (I'll return to that later). I made a list of where all of the newly made voids in my life are and of how I could potentially fill them. I've been songwriting - a lot - to get my thoughts out in a productive way. I've been talking to friends, like even phone calls sometimes. I had a pretty good conversation with George the other day. He's good at making me laugh even when I don't feel like it; you were good at that too. I've even been losing weight, and it's been easier than I thought it would be. I think eating healthy at college is just hard as fuck, and now that I'm home, I'm consuming normal amounts of food.
Anyway, the point is that I'm putting as much as I can into learning to be okay, but I feel like my head is screaming at me to just stay in bed and fuck around on my phone for hours. I've been having intense cravings for all of these unhealthy coping mechanisms, and I've been trying my best not to give into them. I failed in one case: I bought a disposable vape. I've been craving something a lot stronger, but I can't drink or smoke weed, so a thirty-second head rush will have to do for now. I'm gonna run this one out and then be done with it. I'm not really worried about being able to resist getting another one because it makes my stomach feel like shit and definitely eggs on my anxiety. But, for now, it's nice to have the micro release of a nicotine rush, however stupid and pathetic that sounds. Better than indulging in something that makes me non-functional. Another unhealthy craving I've been battling with is that I really want to fuck someone. Like really badly. I've been having to tell myself over and over again that it's just going to make me feel worse and that Tinder is a self-esteem black hole that will rob me of my time and energy. I know the craving is my withdrawal talking. I miss being with you. A skin hunger. I just miss being close to you - the kissing and cuddling and hand-holding - and I don't know how else to fill that particular void. I think I just have to learn to be okay going without it for the foreseeable future.
Now that I think about it, "Skin Hunger" sounds like a good song title. I could totally see it being a good hook. It perfectly encapsulates what I'm feeling, and I've been trying to figure out how to write a song about it without it being raunchy as fuck because the feeling isn't really about sex at all. Maybe that'll be the third song I start writing. The second one is turning out pretty well and not at all how I initially imagined. These are the lyrics so far:

Picture this; we're in your mom's car,
And you show me this year-old scar.
But I notice it's torn around the edges;
It's surely gonna kill you.
You tell me that you'd rather bury the pain
Than take it away (You won't even try)
'Cause all the pills and the stitches that it'll take
Will be worse than just slowly dying.
So now you're on death's door; you can't take it anymore.
You know it's killing me to watch you go.
But I fight for you and cry, begging you to change your mind.
You can't find it in yourself to stanch the flow.
I know I'm only angry 'cause I love you still.
I could see this unfold while I still got to hold you,
And you left me with so many voids I have to fill.
You would still be here if you knew what I know.
I really hate to say it, but I told you so.

I'm sure you get what it's about. I like all of the internal rhymes and the metaphor I used. It captures everything I want to say. I really didn't want to sound like an asshole for saying that I told you so because the fact that you're in pain ultimately isn't your fault. But I'm so fucking angry at you for not talking about it and not doing anything about it sooner. I get that you need to be able to talk about these things in your own time and that no one should make you do it before you're ready. Trust me, I understand. It took me nine months to be ready to admit something was wrong and then another year and three months before I really delved into it and started doing the real work with a therapist to repair the damage done. But I can't help but be fucking furious because I had to watch you hurt yourself by burying all of this shit inside of you, and I truly believe that it was that pain that destroyed our relationship. It was that pain that was too much for you to feel, so you stopped feeling anything. You stopped wanting me. You stopped loving me. I'm angry because I know that this whole emotional mess could have been mitigated. I could have been there for you, and I would have been without a question. But you made your choices, and I have to accept them regardless of how much they hurt me, or you for that matter.
The fact that you weren't open about your mental health struggles until they were too much for you to handle is number one on the list of bad things about our relationship. Logically, I know everyone handles these things differently, but I feel like I talked to you about everything. The good, the bad, the ugly. I told you when I was feeling anxious about even the stupidest, smallest things, like the time my choir director gave me the stink eye for messing up a vocal exercise. I told you about the big stuff, too. I told you about my love addiction and codependence, about my fear of abandonment, about my intimacy issues, about how I feel like there's something so fucking wrong with me when I fail or fall behind. I told you when something was bothering me, even if it was a difficult conversation. And whenever you did talk to me about your personal struggles, I always tried my hardest to handle them with nothing but love and empathy for you. I care about you so fucking much, and I don't get why you wouldn't let me be there for you. I mean, my rational brain gets it because of how much I know about mental illness and trauma, but I don't understand it on an emotional level.
On an emotional level, I feel like I was a good girlfriend, and I feel like that should have been enough. I supported you. I pushed you when I saw you getting off track. I always tried to understand where you were coming from during all of our debates and disagreements. I cooked for you and let you stay over all the time so you didn't have to go back to your shitty apartment. I always kept a tight lid on my jealousy because I knew that they were rooted in insecurity and that I trusted you with every fiber of my being. I always tried to make you feel loved. I always tried to make you feel accepted. I asked you about your interests even when I didn't really care about them because I cared about you being passionate. I told you that you were handsome or downright hot whenever I thought it. I always apologized when I realized I did something even a little bit wrong or hurtful. I always made time for you, even when I was stressed about the million other things I had to do. I always let you feel your feelings - I never shamed you or invalidated you. I reassured you when shit got hard. I held you when you cried and told you that you were an honest to god amazing person who I loved with my whole heart. I shared my whole life with you and was genuinely vulnerable with you. I tried my hardest to let you be vulnerable. And somehow the sum of all of these things is that you don't love me anymore. Of course I'm not even close to being perfect, but for the first time in my life, I feel like I chose someone really good for me, always did right by that person, and didn't let my anxiety get in the way. And I still got dumped. I hope you understand how much that absolutely, monumentally sucks. How much it makes me question if there's something about me that is just fundamentally wrong.
A small part of me wishes I could just stop caring about you, but I do care. I still care a fuck ton. I still hope you're doing okay and that you're actually doing what you need to do to get better. I swear to god I will kick your ass if I find out you you broke up with me and caused me all this heartache and then proceeded to do nothing to help yourself. I promise it will be the ass kicking of the fucking century if you don't get a therapist and talk through all of this shit. That's how you know I still give a fuck about you, and I hope that knowing I'm still in your corner helps in some small way. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want you to come back to me, but this care I have for you is so much deeper than anything I could possibly express by having a relationship label. I hope you feel the same way about me. It's comforting to think that you might, but it feels so isolating not to have any sign that you do. I watched this amazing show called Fleabag after we broke up, and in one scene, the main character is talking about her dead mother after the funeral, saying that she doesn't know what to do with all of the love she still has for her. It made me cry hearing those words because it's exactly how I feel about you. Where do I put all of this love for you when you don't exist in my life anymore? This really is a kind of grief.
Anyway, I feel a bit lighter after writing all of that, so I think I'm gonna hop off for now. I hope you find happiness within yourself, and I hope I do too.

All my love,
Haynah <3

P.S. - Do you want me to message you for your birthday, or would you rather I just leave you alone? What would make you feel worse? Hearing from me or not hearing from me? I know not hearing from you would definitely be worse for me. I'm trying to figure out how/when to message you so that I can let you know I still give a fuck about you without ruining your birthday. Maybe I'll message the night before or something, when it's past midnight here, so I can wish you a happy East Coast birthday. Then you can go to sleep and forget about it and have a good day the next day. That's probably what I'll do.
P.P.S. - Keep a look out for my album in a few months. Or maybe don't, lol. I don't know if you'll like what I have to say, but I kinda want you to hear me say it anyway.
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2020.10.09 04:20 BruhMoment246 And ANOTHER part of my saga in finding the man of my dreams

No breakup yet 🙌, but instead another gushing session, I've officially gotten into the "editing relationship memes to accommodate for boyfriend instead of girlfriend" part of the relationship because OH BOY DO I LOVE HIM, he is so adorable and dorky and I love him and jejehdhdjjehdhd. He even called me love love as he was saying goodnight 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺. The threat of losing him looms over my head, but for now, I'm just enjoying how much he loves me and accepts me even though he doesn't quite get the femboy stuff he likes femboy me aaaaaaajahshdhhdhd. that is all, thanks for coming to my TED talk
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2020.10.03 22:23 jasminee2020 Don’t know if I regret breaking up w my ex or if I’m just on my period.

So I only broke up w her cuz she’s in the US and I graduated in the times of corona :// and had to go back home in the Middle East. We’ve only been together for 6 weeks physically. And tried long distance for another two months but I couldn’t handle it and ended it on September 1st. And now I’m really missing her and want her back. We got back to talking almost daily a week after the breakup. But I also know that I would probably resent the relationship cuz I can’t get any physical affection (whether sexual or not). But I just listened to love me now by John Legend and it reminded me of the time we spent together because we knew our relationship had an expiration date but still decided to go in fully and not be scared of our emotions. So I really am missing her from the way she caresses my curly hair (she knows how to since she is a curly girl too!) to how comfortable her boob is to sleep on (obvs I only mentioned shallow stuff rn).
Sorry for the rant. But I just needed to get this out of my chest. Cuz I still love her, even a month later. She is the kindest, sweetest, most compassionate person I know.
I know I shouldn’t say anything and sit on it. But I really miss being in her presence. But I also know that we should get distance from each other cuz I’m starting to get confused and it lowkey feels like we’re back together (there’s a lot of flirting during the ft calls)
Anyhow. I don’t think this will make sense. But thank you for coming to my Ted talk.
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2020.10.03 15:33 RabidNinja64 I (24M) cut all contact with my ex last night (23F)

Kinda felt like i needed to get this off my chest, finally, as it comes off the back of a very long and unhealthy process of denial and endless hours of regret.
I finally finished any and all contact with my ex last night. This is on the backend of 5 years worth of breakups and on/offs, crying in each others arms and just a lot of stress and mistrust on both parties. She kept telling me that I mattered to her, that I was still important and she still has a place in her heart for me, but I couldn't accept it, not while she's dating someone who can treat her better than I ever did. I could never attempt or even think about trying to make her decide who is more important in her life between a new future and the one that didn't really go anywhere.
This isn't to say that it doesn't take alot of willpower or emotion to accept; it's a hard decision once you compare and create pro's and cons of the person, the relationship, the aftermath left behind it all. She wanted to consider us being close friends, but that's a step too close to what used to be, and something her family is vehemently against, on account of the breakups.
After a number of downers and mildly depressive episodes, I had to text her, to talk to her, to ask for her help. and while she did come partway through, I knew she wasn't all there, and it sucked. Not to put that level of dependency on someone is kind of a big deal to some of us, but once you lay the facts out on the table, it becomes obvious. So I gave her a week or time, no contact, just to see if her claim of me being important made a difference.
The week came and went and nothing had changed. And for the first time in the longest time, I had to tell her how it was, that i felt like and understood that, in comparison to the guy she's dating, her family and her online friends, I was no more than a memory to her.
Yet, my biggest fear of it all is repeating the same mistake and opening contact again just for it all fall down and impede my progress.
I say all this because sticking in the past for too long makes you forget about the bigger things in life, and it grinds you down and makes you question everything in your life that you thought you knew. Stick it out and better things will happen and things will change. But most importantly, you need to understand that being a people pleaser will take alot out of you to the point where you MUST make your needs and wants heard and accounted for, or else suffering in silence fixes nothing.
I doubt I'm speaking anything new that nobody doesn't already know, but it's just another insight from a guy alot on his mind and plenty time to think about it all. Thanks for coming to my TED talk, folks!
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2020.10.01 23:54 miacadamia How I got my life back together (long)

In the last 12 months I had quite a journey. Only 12 months ago I suffered from anxiety and depression and was suicidal. I was stuck in a codependent relationship with a my ex who cheated on me and wasn't interested in being with me - still I couldn't let go. I was highly depressed, suffered from severe anxiety and mood swings. I almost got addicted to benzos and had way too much side effects of my SSRIs. As I was so miserable and only recently moved to a big city, I had almost no friends and lived in my own apartment. Finally my ex dumped me, I almost failed at my job, lost a lot of weight, became more reserved and irritated and spent all my time distracting me from all the misery.
My problems were not new. Since I am 17 I am suffering from mild depression and occasional other mental (health) problems.
Since then I've gone a long way. I am 24 and I finally can say that I have my shit together! I am the happiest, healthiest I've ever been.
In the following I will tell you all the things I tried and changed in the past 12 months.
General lifestyle changes: (that you probably all know)
BOOKS I can recommend - I encourage everyone to dive into the topic of science and selftherapy (almost all books are writen by scientist so no bullshit adviser literature)
Things that I try to reduce/avoid:
Other techniques I learned and topics I read on or tried out
Supplements that I take:
Modern technology that I use:
Other interesting things I found out:
Youtube channels I watch:
Conclusion: Looking back I can say that I am in a totally different place than years before. I have healed from my breakup and found a new home and calmer environment with friends and family. I don’t take any medication anymore.
I am happy.
What I think helped me the most is definitely my stable environment, lifestyle changes and the skills I learned for emotional regulation. I can highly recommend everyone to learn about your emotions, learn to recognize them and how to proper regulate them. My favorite book of all the recommended ones is definitely the one on Emotional Intelligence.
Another thing: Having a research background it was important for me to try scientifically proven methods, therefore I did a lot of research in advance.
Maybe my experiences helps someone, good luck everyone on your journey.
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2020.09.27 04:03 SteveMcQueen36 Playing through the WWF - Part 4 (1989 - 1990 SummerSlam '89 - Wrestlemania VI)

I am using games like WWE2k19, 2k20, and Fire Pro Wrestling World to simulate and play through the WWF's PPV's and other events. The outcomes will be different thus forcing me to change story lines. Let me know what you think. This issue covers SummerSlam '89 to Wrestlemania VI.

WWF SummerSlam 1989 - August 28th, 1989 - East Rutherford, New Jersey, USA - Meadowlands

No. Results Stipulations Quality Times Notes
D1 Dino Bravo def. Koko B. Ware Singles match 90% 11:31 Koko B. Ware and Dino Bravo mixed it up in the Dark Match. Fans loved this one as they were still filing into the stands. Bravo has been a good heel in the past few months, working an Anti-American gimmick with the Rougeaus. These two delivered a great match. Dino wins with a Shoulder Breaker.
2 The Brain Busters (Arn Anderson and Tully Blanchard) (w/Bobby Heenan) def. The Hart Foundation (Bret Hart and Jim Neidhart) Tag team match 91% 28:23 The Brain Busters have been on a winning streak since their loss at Wrestlemania. Arn and Tully have set their eyes on the Tag Titles again and will go through The Hart Foundation to get them. Fans loved this opener. Arn and Bret looked so good in that ring. However, it was Tully that got the win over Jim Neidhart with a Piledriver.
3 Dusty Rhodes def. The Honky Tonk Man (w/Jimmy Hart) Singles match 100% 15:43 Dusty Rhodes exploded onto the WWF scene in 1989 embroiled in a feud with The Honky Tonk Man. Both would cut tremendous promos on each other and fans couldn't wait to see these two clash. The match itself was tremendous. Dusty and Honky bumped everywhere. Dusty even got in a little Shake, Rattle, and Roll then hit the Bionic Elbow for the 1,2,3.
4 The Red Rooster def. The Blue Blazer Singles match 97% 11:32 The Blue Blazer has started to get less-and-less popular with the crowds. Newcomer Terry Taylor may have some tricks up his sleeve. The crowd loved his character and liked seeing him beat The Blazer around the ring. Rooster picks up the win with an Arm Drag... what the hell.
5 The Rockers (Marty Jannetty and Shawn Michaels) and Tito Santana def. The Fabulous Rougeaus (Jacques Rougeau and Raymond Rougeau) and Rick Martel Six-man tag team match 87% 14:58 Strike Force is no more! I know everyone is sad about that. But I couldn't be happier! Rick Martel turned on Tito Santana and joined the Canadian Contingent with Dino Bravo and The Rougeaus. Tito is, again, trying to get back into a baby face role with the help of the very over Rockers. But Tito sucks. And of course he wins this match for the faces. Tito and The Rockers go over the Canadian Contingent with a Flying Forearm from Tito onto Raymond.
6 The Ultimate Warrior (c) def. Rick Rude (w/Bobby Heenan) WWF Intercontinental Title 96% 16:50 The Ultimate Warrior and Rick Rude have been locked in a feud over the Intercontinental Title for the better part of the year. It's one of the most popular feuds in the promotion. The crowd loves seeing Warrior swinging his belt over his head when he runs to the ring. The match was another cracking good one. Warrior and Rude beat the hell out of each other. Big power move after big power move. Rude even got some air a couple of times. He even hit Warrior with a chair multiple times. But Warrior hit the Press and Splash for the win and retention of the belt.
7 Haku and The Twin Towers (Akeem and Big Boss Man) (w/Slick) def. Demolition (Ax and Smash) and Bam Bam Bigelow Six-man tag team match 85.00% 29:31:00 Slick's Twin Towers came into this match with a fire lit under their asses. Big Bossman has been waiting to put a hurting on Bam Bam Bigelow after the Royal Rumble winner dumped motor oil onto Bossman's head. Akeem and Bossman, furious, are looking to direct that anger into an opportunity for a chance at the Tag Team Titles. This match was great. Haku and both members of Demolition battled at one point. Haku is a badass. He also hit a perfect Super Kick onto Bigelow toppling the man out of the ring. But it was Big Bossman putting Smash down with the Bossman Slam. The Twin Towers would go on to win the Tag Team Titles from Demolition on Saturday Night's Main Event in September.
8 Hercules def. Greg Valentine (w/Jimmy Hart) Singles match 65% 18:44 Hercules was attacked by Rhythm and Blues after calling out Greg Valentine on The Brother Love show. The match was alright but showed flaws in the baby face Hercules. He sucks in the ring. He defeated Greg Valentine with the Full Nelson after a long match of rest holds and chokes. It was pretty bland. A concession and rest match for sure.
9 Mr. Perfect def. Ted DiBiase (w/Bad News Brown) Singles match 77% 13:09 DiBiase had tried to buy his way into a WWF Championship Match with champion Randy Savage. However, Mr. Perfect claimed that he was the next in line. Then Roddy Piper def both of them in a Three-Way Match for the #1 Contender on Saturday Night's Main Event with Hulk Hogan as the Special Guest referee. This match was not the greatest but it was a good/solid bout. Bad News Brown was involved a lot and beat up Perfect whenever he was tossed outside. DiBiase then dominated before being put down with the Perfect-Plex. The crowd loves Mr. Perfect.
Main Event Randy Savage (c) (w/Miss Elisabeth & Hogan) def. "Rowdy" Roddy Piper WWF World Heavyweight Title 88% 14:39 Roddy Piper has been a thorn in Savage's side for the past few weeks. He won his chance for the belt in a Three-Way Dance between himself, Ted DiBiase, and Mr. Perfect. Hulk Hogan was the Special Guest referee. After the match, Piper attacked Hogan with a chair, beating down the former champion. Savage came out but Piper went after him too. Declaring himself the World Champion. One of the best matches of the night. Roddy Piper was hated and got booed to oblivion. He did every dirty move in the book. And even brought a couple of weapons in the ring. Piper and Savage worked well together and Savage really showed his dominance.f Savage won a rushed match after the Flying Elbow Drop.
88% 175:00
Total Time: 2:55
This is definitely the Macho Man Era of the WWF as we "Oh Yeah!" right into another sold out event. Macho Man and Roddy Piper have been involved in a knock down drag out battle for the past few months. And he won his chance at the WWF World Heavyweight Title after defeating Mr. Perfect and Ted DiBiase in a three-way #1 Contender Match. These four competitors are very popular and talented leading the WWF into the future.
Another group of popular wrestlers, Demolition and Bam Bam Bigelow, are having a terrible time trying to defeat Slick's Crew of Akeem and The Big Bossman.

WWF Survivor Series '89 - November 23, 1989 - Rosemont, Illinois, USA - Rosemont Horizon

No. Results Stipulations Quality Times Notes
1 Boris Zhukov def. Paul Roma Singles match 96% 25:57 Boris Zhukov and Paul Roma battled a five-star match while the fans were still pouring in at the '89 Survivor Series. Zhukov would take the match to the outside and dominate. But Roma was clearly the better performer. These two have a lot to show the WWF and might be key players in the future. I'll hold my breath. Zhukov won after a Power Slam.
2 Punishment Crew (Big Boss Man, Akeem, Honky Tonk, and Greg Valentine) (w/Jimmy Hart & Slick) def. The Dream's Team (Dusty Rhodes, Hercules, The Red Rooster and Tito Santana) 4-on-4 Survivor Series Match 89% 48:34 "The American Dream" Dusty Rhodes had a beef to settle with "The African Dream" Akeem. These two duked it out in the center of the squared circle. But it was Dusty that fell first to Akeem's might. Dusty had been reeling from the attack earlier in the week during a match with Akeem on Wrestling Challenge. Hercules held his own against Rhythm & Blues, but it was a four on one battle as Tito and Red Rooster proved to be useless. Each one taken out by Honky Tonk's Piledriver, followed by Herc eating a pin from Honky. The Punishment Crew dominates this entire match. Survivors: Akeem, Bossman, Honky, and Valentine.
3 The Heenan Family (King Kong Bundy, The Warlord, The Barbarian and Haku) (w/Mr. Fuji & Bobby Heenan) def. The 4x4s: (Jim Duggan, Ronnie Garvin, Bret Hart, and Jim Neidhart) 4-on-4 Survivor Series Match 85% 41:01 Heenan had purchased the talents of Mr. Fuji on Superstars earlier in the month. This gave his team a huge size advantage against the much smaller Hart Foundation along with Jim Duggan. Ronnie Garvin was the GOAT of this match. Taking everyone's finishers before getting knocked out on the outside of the ring. Neidhart was next being KO'ed by The Warlord, followed by Jim Duggan and then Bret Hart. A sad day for Calgary. Survivors: The Warlord and Haku
4 The Perfect Team (Mr. Perfect, Owen Hart, Jacques and Raymond Rougeau) (w/The Genius) def. Brutus' Beefcakes (Brutus Beefcake, Jim Powers, Jim Brunzel, B. Brian Blair) 4-on-4 Survivor Series Match 84% 40:27 Mr. Perfect commanded this match and made quick work out of the B-Team. The Rougeaus looked great. Raymond and Mr. Perfect were the Survivors. Mr. Perfect won the match after pinning Jim Powers with the Perfect-Plex.
5 The Hulkamaniacs (Hulk Hogan, Jake Roberts, Ax and Smash) def. Money Talks (Ted DiBiase, Bad News Brown, Arn Anderson and Tully Blanchard) 4-on-4 Survivor Series Match 93% 39:21 Hulk Hogan was attacked by Ted DiBiase after a match that he had been the Special Referee of on Saturday Night's Main Event. Hogan had been away in Hollywood for a bit. But Hogan never forgot that attack. Now, DiBiase knows that Hogan is out for blood. So he hired some of the best in the business. Bobby Heenan's Brain Busters. Joined by DiBiase's personal bodyguard, Bad News Brown, Money definitely talks. The match itself was great. Hogan and DiBiase looked great in the ring. They traded a lot of blows during this match. Hitting virtually all of their moves on each other. Jake Roberts was eliminated early after an Bad News Brown Ghetto-Blaster. The Brain Busters worked over everyone, but were the next eliminated. Followed by Brown and then finally Ted DiBiase. Who lost to an assisted Piledriver from Ax. Hogan poses. Survivors: Hogan, Ax and Smash
Main Event Roddy's Reich (Roddy Piper, The Canadian Earthquake, Rick Rude, Rick Martel) def. Randy's Savages (Randy Savage, The Ultimate Warrior, Shawn Michaels and Marty Jannetty) 4-on-4 Survivor Series Match 90% 40:23 Randy Savage and Roddy Piper have been locked in a blood-feud for a few months now. Piper attacking Savage and Elizabeth at nearly any chance. Piper taunts Savage and says that Hogan isn't there for him anymore! It will be Piper standing over Savage after defeating his entire team. This match was great. Roddy Piper and Earthquake are the survivors defeating the face team. Piper stands over Randy Savage who he hit with Brass Knuckles. Piper laughs at him and takes the belt from him laughing and showing off the belt.
89% 235:43
Total Time: 3:55
Roddy Piper and Ted DiBiase are running rough shot over the WWF and not even the WWF Champion can stand in there way. Hogan got a huge ovation for returning to the ring here. That might spell trouble for Randy Savage down the line.

WWF Royal Rumble 1990 - January 21st, 1990 - Orlando, Florida - Orlando Arena

No. Results Stipulations Rating Times Notes
1 Paul Roma def. The Brooklyn Brawler Singles match 91% 29:32 This legendary dark match turned into a bloody brawl between two amazing workers. Paul Roma and The Brooklyn Brawler beat the hell out of each other as the crowds were still coming in. Most stunned by the violence in the match. Brawler broke open Roma early on. And Roma broke Brawler open on the outside. Roma won with a Sidewalk Slam and cocky pin.
2 The Brain Busters (Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard) (w/Bobby Heenan) def. The Fabulous Rougeaus (Jacques Rougeau and Raymond Rougeau) Tag team match 74% 30:00 The Brain Busters and The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers went toe to toe and delivered one hell of a match. It was another bloody affair that saw these two teams beat the hell out of each other. The Rougeaus ate two Spine busters each, but it wasn't enough to hold the duo down. Raymond delivered a wonderful splash that looked amazing. Ultimately these teams battled until the 30 Minute Time Limit.
3 Big Boss Man def. Jake Roberts Singles match 96% 16:54 The newly face turned Big Bossman has been getting tormented by the newly heeled Jake Roberts. Roberts, along with assistance from Akeem and Haku, defeated Bossman after he became a disappointment to Slick late last year. Bossman has been on an upswing in popularity after challenging Akeem and beating him on Saturday Night's Main Event. Now he puts a beating down on The Snake. This was a great match. Bossman won with a Bossman Slam.
4 The Rockers (Shawn Michaels and Marty Jannetty) def. Demolition (Ax and Smash) (c) WWF Tag Team Titles 92% 29:23 The Rockers dethrone the WWF Tag Team Champions, Demolition, after a lengthy and well executed match. The Rockers have been shooting up the ranks in popularity lately and it's been rumored that Smash might need to take some time off for recuperation. Shawn Michaels won the match with a Flying Cross Body Pin.
5 Randy Savage (c) (w/Miss Elizabeth) def. Ted DiBiase (w/Bad News Brown) WWF World Heavyweight Title 85% 18:46 WWF Champion, "Macho Man" Randy Savage, came into this match with one intention. To shut the mouth of the Million Dollar Man once and for all. Ted DiBiase has been a thorn in Savages side since Mach picked up the belt. Their match was fantastic. DiBiase looked amazing. He took Savage to the limit. But it was Savage that won the match with a Flying Elbow Drop.
Main Event Mr. Perfect won the Royal Rumble Royal Rumble Match 71% 58:46 Mr. Perfect won the Royal Rumble last eliminating Rick Rude and The Ultimate Warrior at the same time. Mr. Perfect celebrated to a chorus of cheers and boos from the crowd. The Rumble was a good one. Hulk Hogan eliminated 11 competitors, but was thrown out by Earthquake. Perfect came in at number 20 and was pretty much the GOAT.
85% 183:21
Total Time: 3:03
Mr. Perfect cut one of the most infamous promos of all time with Mean Gene. He told the fans at home to keep watching. To keep watching if they want to see someone who's actually worthy enough to challenge for the WWF World Heavyweight Title. He challenges Randy Savage and says that he's going to bring home gold! Randy Savage got a great ovation here when he beat DiBiase. It was one of those iconic moments when he has the WWF title on one arm and Miss Elizabeth on his shoulder. The Rockers looked amazing and let's face it, Demolition was out of shape. This Crush guy is hangin' around the group backstage. It's awkward.

WWF Wrestlemania VI - April 1st, 1990 - Toronto, Ontario, Canada - Skydome

No. Results Stipulations Rating Times Notes
1 Paul Roma def. The Brooklyn Brawler Singles match 79% 17:34 This was a rematch from the bloody battle that Roma and Brawler had back during the Royal Rumble of 1990. This wasn't nearly the match they had then. Brawler was full into his Brooklyn Brawler gimmick and looked rediculious in the torn up jersey and outfit. Paul Roma looked great but proved that he can't carry a match by himself. That first match of theirs was a fluke. Roma wins with a big Backdrop.
2 Rick Martel (w/Bobby Heenan) def. Koko B. Ware Singles match 100% 19:03 Rick Martel proved that he is on another level above The Birdman, Koko B. Ware. This match had everything. Drama, Excitement, and most of all, a story that left the crowd wanting more. Martel won the match after spraying Arrogance in Koko's face and submitting him with a Boston Crab. Martel is coming for that Intercontinental Title.
3 The Glamour Girls (Leilani Kai & Judy Martin) (w/Jimmy Hart) def. The Jumping Bomb Angels (Noriyo Tateno & Itsuki Yamazaki) (c) WWF Women's Tag Team Titles 97% 15:47 The Jumping Bomb Angels took the WWF Women's Tag Team Titles to Japan and competed with them over there. Sharing time between the US and Japan. Leilani Kai had also traveled there to defend the WWF Women's Title. Now back in the US. Leilani Kai's dominant team hired the assistance of Jimmy Hart. They want that gold. This match was amazing. Judy Martin and Yamazaki looked so natural. Leilani Kai's power won out. Leilani Kai won with a huge Avalanche Power-bomb.
4 Demolition (Ax and Smash) (w/Crush) def. The Bolsheviks (Boris Zhukov and Nikolai Volkoff) Tag Team Match 81% 25:48 Ax and Smash have been teasing a breakup for the past few weeks. But this outing had them looking amazing. Whatever it is, Demolition should be on track to become THREE TIME WWF Tag Team Champions! This match was good, The Bolsheviks are not a bad team. Zhukov looked amazing in the ring against the behemoths that are Demolition. Smash hit a Schmidt-Style Back breaker on Zhukov for the win.
5 The Warlord (w/Bobby Heenan) def. Hercules Singles match 72% 3:07 The Warlord squashes Hercules and throws him around the ring. It's not much of a contest. Warlord wins after a Tornado Slam.
6 Owen Hart def. Brutus Beefcake Singles match 96% 17:45 Who knew this throwaway exhibition between a vein male stripper and High Energy's Owen Hart, would have been so good? Brother Bruti and Owen Hart have a genuine chemistry in the ring and they got to put it on display here. Owen wants that IC gold! Owen Hart wins after the Northern Lights Suplex.
7 Roddy Piper def. "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan Singles match 72% 8:15 Jim Duggan was hand picked by Hulk Hogan to shut Piper's mouth once-and-for-all. Duggan had been tormented by the Hot Rod for months. Poking and joking all the time. It boiled over on Piper's Pit on Saturday Night's Main Event, when Piper went too far with Duggan. This match was okay. Piper was great but looked to be slowing down. Roddy Piper won with a sleeper.
8 The Orient Express (Pat Tanaka and Sato) (w/Mr. Fuji) def. The Fabulous Rougeaus (Jacques Rougeau and Raymond Rougeau) Tag team match 75% 17:42 Mr. Fuji's new team looked amazing against arguably one of the best Tag Teams in the WWF or the world for that matter. The Rougeau Brothers put in a great effort, but came up sort and couldn't make it click against this new team. Sato wins after a Jumping DDT.
9 Tito Santana def. The Barbarian (w/Bobby Heenan) Singles match 93% 20:48 Tito Santana is on a bit of a hot streak as of late. Another on-again/off-again push that he keeps somehow obtaining. With the crowd behind him for some reason, Tito Santana looked great against The Barbarian. Barbarian dominated the much smaller Santana, but it was Tito who outmaneuvered the big man. Tito wins after the Flying Forearm Strike.
10 The Rockers (Marty Jannetty and Shawn Michaels) (c) def. The Hart Foundation (Bret Hart and Jim Neidhart) WWF Tag Team Titles 98% 29:41 Shawn Michaels and Bret Hart are naturals in the ring against each other. The Rockers looked great and moved like a well oiled machine. Marty Jannetty took the Hart Foundation to the limit. One of the best Tag matches in the WWF at the time. The match ended when Shawn Michaels hit a Flying Cross body from the Top Rope on Bret Hart. After the match, the Brain Busters attacked both teams leaving them laying.
11 Earthquake (w/Jimmy Hart) def. Jake Roberts Singles match 82% 10:25 Earthquake has been on winning streak in singles matches, usually injuring is opponents. After eliminating Hulk Hogan and sending him to the hospital, Earthquake set his sights on the Main Event scene. But Jake Roberts had the same idea and wanted the Canadian big man out of the picture. This match was good. Better than it had any reason being. Earthquake is a beast and just out powered Roberts. Earthquake wins after the Earthquake Splash.
12 Ted DiBiase (c) (w/Bad News Brown) def. Dusty Rhodes Million Dollar Title 73% 13:21 Ted DiBiase, frustrated with his loss in presuit of the WWF Intercontinental Title and WWF World Heavyweight Title, had created his own title. The Million Dollar Championship and he vowed to be the one true champion. The only champion that mattered. That is until Dusty Rhodes challenged him for the belt. This match was a good one. Dusty is a hell of a worker and he put over DiBiase really well. DiBiase won after submitting Dusty in the Million Dollar Dream.
13 Big Boss Man def. Akeem (w/Slick) Singles match 79% 13:24 The Big Bossman turned face and started feuding with Slick's Squad, mainly Akeem. Akeem and Bossman battled in a tag match on Saturday Night's Main Event with Akeem and Haku defeating Bossman and Dusty Rhodes. But now it was one-on-one. This match was great. Bossman whipped Akeem all around the ring. Then took him down with a Bossman Slam.
14 The Ultimate Warrior (c) def. Rick Rude (w/Bobby Heenan) WWF Intercontinental Title 100% 20:19 CAGE MATCH: This was the last time that Rick Rude would challenge for the Intercontinental Title. He has a deep seeded hatred for The Ultimate Warrior and wanted to prove he was better. For over a year Rick Rude has been a thorn in Ultimate Warriors side. This match was one of the best on the card. A tremendous bout between two evenly matched nemesis'. Ultimate Warrior escaped the cage and kept the title.
Main Event "Macho Man" Randy Savage (c) (w/Miss Elizabeth) def. Mr. Perfect WWF World Heavyweight Title 82% 11:41 Mr. Perfect won the 1990 Royal Rumble and instantly challenged Randy Savage. Savage, erratic as he is, didn't seem to pay this challenge any mind until a MSG Live show when Mr. Perfect came onto Miss Elizabeth. Savage chased him out of the building. For weeks following Mr. Perfect cut amazing promos about being the new blood. This match was amazing. Randy Savage made an iconic entrance. These two put on a hell of a match. Amazing stuff. Mr. Perfect never hit the Perfect-Plex. Mr. Perfect was defeated by Macho Man after a huge flying elbow drop. The crowd went nuts.
86% 240:53
Total Time: 4:00:00
This was an amazing event. Mr. Perfect looked like a million bucks and he didn't look bad coming out of this one. Macho is still getting huge applause but Hogan wasn't in the house. Warrior and Rude put on a classic. That match was... wow. Just amazing. Rick Rude can no longer challenge for the IC Title. The Rockers and Hart Foundation put on a hell of a show too. Not to mention The Glamour Girls defeating The Jumping Bomb Angels.

Title History

WWF World Heavyweight Title

No. Champion Championship change Event Location Reign statistics Notes
1 Hulk Hogan 3/31/1984 WWF on MSG Network New York City, NY 1 1093 Hogan is the first WWF champion according to this title history. He won the WWF title in a single night tournament at MSG from The Iron Sheik. Hogan did well promoting the title and defended it quite a bit. However, it was a double-cross from his friend Andre the Giant that dethroned this king.
2 Andre the Giant 3/29/1987 Wrestlemania III Pontiac, MI 1 368 Andre the Giant had been best friends with Hulk Hogan for years before turning on him and joining Bobby Heenan. This partnership would be lucrative since Andre would beat Hogan for the WWF Championship at Wrestlemania III. Thus striking a blow to Hulkamania and weakening the iconic one. Andre would also defend the title quite a bit. He was undefeated until Wrestlemania IV.
3 Hulk Hogan 3/27/1988 Wrestlemania IV Atlantic City, NJ 2 369 Hulk Hogan regained his title from Andre the Giant in front of over 100,000 people in Atlantic City, New Jersey! It was a decent match that also served as Andre's retirement match.
4 Randy Savage 4/2/1989 Wrestlemania V Atlantic City, NJ 1 Randy Savage won the title from Hulk Hogan at Wrestlemania V when the Mega Powers EXPLODED! Meltzer would report that Hogan is going on to make some movies in Hollywood before returning to the WWF. Savage is a great face and will be an amazing champion.

WWF Intercontinental Title

No. Champion Championship change Event Location Reign statistics Days Notes
1 Greg Valentine 1/17/1985 WWF on PRISM Philadelphia, PA 1 73 Greg Valentine was the first IC champion that I started the game with. He defeated Pat Patterson for the title, technically making him the second champion. But again, I started my game with him as IC champ. He would lose the title in a very bloody match with JYD.
2 Junkyard Dog 3/31/1985 Wrestlemania I New York, NY 1 258 JYD was one of the most beloved and most punishing champions. His battles were always bloody and always crowd favorites. He dropped the belt to Randy Savage on Saturday Night's Main Event at MSG.
3 Randy Savage 12/14/1985 WWF at MSG New York, NY 1 771 Randy Savage held the WWF Intercontinental Title for an unprecedented amount of time. He was one of the best champions of the eighties. Defeating opponents like Ivan Karloff, Harley Race, Brutus Beefcake, Rick Rude among others.
- Vacant 1/24/1988 WWF Royal Rumble Hamilton, ON - CAN 1 63 Randy had to vacate the title following an injury at the hands of the Honky Tonk Man's guitar shot.
4 The Ultimate Warrior 3/27/1988 Wrestlemania IV Atlantic City, NJ 1 The Ultimate Warrior won the IC title in a one-night tournament defeating Jake Roberts in the final. He has been a terrific champion so far during his feud with Rick Rude.

WWF Tag Team Titles

No. Champion Championship change Event Location Reign statistics Days Notes
1 The U.S. Express (Barry Windham & Mike Rotundo) 3/31/1984 WWF on MSG Network New York City, NY 1 586 The U.S. Express was a great tag team that started the game as Tag Champs. They would lose them to the British Bulldogs at the Wrestling Classic.
2 The British Bulldogs (Dynamite Kid & Davey Boy Smith) 11/7/1985 The Wrestling Classic Rosemont, IL 1 871 The British Bulldogs vs. The U.S. Express in a fantastic bout. Dynamite and Rotundo were meant to do battle. They have defended against Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff, The American Express, The Hart Foundation, The Islanders, and many more during their impressive multi-year run.
3 Demolition (Ax & Smash) 3/27/1988 Wrestlemania IV Atlantic City, NJ 1 While the British Bulldogs were the most popular team in the WWF. No team were turning heads faster than the big, angry, Demolition. Ax and Smash along with their manager, Mr. Fuji, have been running rough-shot over the WWF. They had their eyes set on gold. The Bulldogs are good, but they couldn't best the beasts.
4 The Twin Towers (Akeem & The Big Bossman) 9/15/1989 Saturday Night's Main Event Sacramento, CA 1 69 Akeem and The Big Bossman might be one of the biggest, baddest, and toughest tag teams on this list. They dominated just about everyone and pounded Demolition into submission to win the tag titles. Under the managerial skills of Slick, The Twin Towers will go down in history.
5 Demolition (Ax & Smash) 11/23/1989 Saturday Night's Main Event San Jose, CA 2 56 They say the second time is never as sweet as the first. And that has to be true for DEMOLITION. The dirt sheets would report that Ax was suffering from some injuries that had yet to be healed. Leading to them dropping the belts to The Rockers at Royal Rumble.
6 The Rockers (Shawn Michaels & Marty Jannetty) 1/21/1990 WWF Royal Rumble 1990 Orlando, FL 1 The crowds love them and the opponents can't stand 'em. The Rockers have been turning heads and snapping necks all over the world! Their defeat of Demolition at the 1990 Royal Rumble was one of the biggest upsets of all time. Their reign has been one of the best. They have top level talent along with a charm and charisma that can go for years to come.

WWF Women's Title

No. Champion Championship change Event Location Reign statistics Days Notes
1 Wendi Richter 3/31/1985 Wrestlemania I New York, NY 1 1,247 Wendi Richter beat Leilani Kai for the WWF Women's Title at Wrestlemania I in 1985 and held it until 1988. It was a tremendous reign that almost no one will be able to beat.
2 Leilani Kai 8/29/1988 Summer Slam '88 New York, NY 1 In 1988 Leilani Kai and Judy Martin changed the face of women's wrestling by taking their tag team out on the world and inspiring many young women wrestlers. Leilani Kai would put the crowning achievement of the Glamour Girls by winning the Women's Title from Wendi Richter at Summer Slam '88.

WWF Women's Tag Team Titles

No. Champion Championship change Event Location Reign statistics Days Notes
1 The Glamour Girls (Judy Martin & Leilani Kai) 3/16/1985 WWF on PRISM Philadelphia, PA 1 1,044 Judy Martin and Leilani Kai are one of the greatest teams in Women's Professional Wrestling. Their work around the world is tremendous.
2 The Jumping Bomb Angels (Noriyo Tateno & Itsuki Yamazaki) 1/24/1988 Royal Rumble Hamilton, ON - CAN 1 The Jumping Bomb Angels (Noriyo Tateno & Itsuki Yamazaki) were one of the coolest teams the WWF ever let slip though their fingers. Much like the duo of Io Shrai and Kairi Sane.
3 The Glamour Girls (Judy Martin & Leilani Kai) 04/01/1990 Wrestlemania VI Toronto, Ontario, Canada 2 Judy Martin and Leilani Kai both return to the WWF Women's Tag Title scene defeating The Jumping Bomb Angels.

Previous Posts

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2020.09.26 03:43 ArisBatman im not doing great and need serious help before i do something i regret

vso basically i was in a relationship with someone. someone i really really really care about. i basically love them n shit. but i am obsessed with this person in a stalker-y way. so i was always talking to them nonstop and i think i annoyed them a lot. they mean the world to me and i did everything to keep them happy. then uh apparently they were only staying with me so i wouldnt kill myself (i have clinical depression and a breakup would probably kill me). felt like a stab in the heart. i had put up with so much to keep him happy. i let him call me names and get mad at me for no reason. i just wanted to have him be happy. after he said that to me, i took a few days to think. it means he doesnt love me. it means that he just doesnt want the burden of being the cause of someones suicide. so if hes not happy with me, then why dont i just break up with him? so i did. and he was just like, "ok but dont die." so nonchalant like that. proves he didnt care. at least hes not yelling at me anymore. but i just want to tell him i love him and give him a hug anyways. i also have schizophrenia so i hear stuff and it doesnt help at all to hear things hes said before to me. this stuff is probably gonna drive me to suicide and i dont know what to do im freaking out cause too much is happening in my head and it feels as if its going to explode.
thanks for listening to my ted talk.
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2020.09.21 21:58 oldmonkandtears 6 months without you (long but worth a read)

Today it's been six months since we broke up. As cliche and tired of hearing this you might be : it gets better, it really does. It was my first ever breakup and I was a fragile person who never really suffered before, so the breakup hit me very very hard. I was suicidal for two whole months but I somehow kept going and I'm glad I did. I begged and pleaded him, blasting his phone and what not and absolutely lost my self respect in the process. It still hurts ngl, I still have my ups and downs but week after week, the ups get longer and the downs get shorter and it definitely doesn't hurt nearly as much as the first few weeks which were absolutely soul wrenching.
I certainly feel better now, I feel more motivated to do things, go get shit done and learn new things. While I still miss him and love him, idk if I'm IN love with him anymore, well certainly not as much as before. I want to contact him but I wont. I'm just not in the mood to compromise my self respect again and beg for someone's attention, no, I'm better than that. And I'm definitely not in the mood to fuck all the hard hard progress and growth I made. I feel like in a few months I may even be truly ready to fall in love again. I really thought I couldn't make it past this and there were days where I thought I'll end it all for good but I did get past it and believe me, I was a person who had very very thin skin so if I can do this, so can you.
I believe I've pretty much outgrown him (at least the version I knew of him) and the past version of myself. Our breakup was mutual and I realised only after the breakup that I wasn't the best gf and we both made so many mistakes. I went through all the phases, depression, pain, lots and lots of pain, so angry that I wanted to punch a wall, guilt, nostalgia, lots of regret and wishing things were different, all of it.
Here are some things which helped me and I hope they help you too :-
1.) NO CONTACT - This is an absolute MUST to get over your ex. No, don't be "friends" with them because it seems like such a waste of the connection you built, you can always be friends with them when you're ready to. Do NOT be in touch with them if you're still in love with them, just don't, it will NOT go well, trust me.
I was in touch with my ex the first three months after the BU and it was only when I cut off all contact I started getting over him.
2.) DON'T STALK THEM - It's okay to have weak moments but you really need to try to control yourself. I'm still learning this and I slip up too once in a while. A month ago I saw him liking a particular tweet which really really hurt me and made me super insecure and I stayed up all night thinking about it. That's when I decided that no, I don't want to feel this way, I don't want to keep hurting myself like this and I haven't stalked him since (yayyy!). Stalking him kept him alive in my memory, I missed him so much everytime I stalked him but now that I've mostly stopped, he's just become a vague memory in my mind, fading away little by little everyday.
Ten days ago, it was his birthday and I wished him but didn't talk any further or even ask him how he was(my case is different so don't use this as a reason to contact your ex on special occasions, you dimwit). Few hours later that day, I slipped up and saw that he changed his whatsapp status to "DND, busy living my life rn" and I was like okay bro, do whatever you want, go live your life, I can't stop you anyway so idc, bye.
3.) THERAPY/JOURNAL - If you have the time and money, seriously go for it, I would not have made it through without therapy. But on days between the sessions, this one trick really helped i.e. I externalized it, whatever I was feeling, I would journal it. I'm not into written journalling so I switched on the recorder in my phone and I would RANT. About anything and everything, I didn't censor myself at all, I was as petty and mean as I could be and I'd feel sooo much more relieved after doing that, seriously give this a try y'all. You can even switch your front camera on and talk while looking at yourself, that helps too.
4.) FIND SOMETHING WHICH EXCITES YOU - Anything which gets you interested, for me it was painting, hula hooping and learning new songs on my keyboard, I have so many more things I want to do too, I made a list of some things I wanna finish before the year ends.
5.) EXERCISE - The endorphins will leave you feeling gooood and you get a hot body, it's a win win. Give some time to practice mindfulness everyday too.
6.) LISTENING TO BU COACHES - Okay so this different for everyone so take it with a grain of salt. Do not go to crappy ones like Brad Browning but I'd suggest listening to Craig Kenneth, Susan Winter, Dating Guy, The Love Chat and Coach Dorothy's get over your ex podcast. They help and give you so much more perspective.
7.) HAVING A GOOD ROUTINE - Seriously half of my problems were solved just because I'm a morning person now and I have a good routine.
8.) FEEL IT, ACCEPT IT AND LET IT GO - You need to feel it to heal it, there's no way around it. The hardest thing I ever had to do was let go off him, let go off the fantasy I built around him, I'm still struggling with it tbh. Whenever thoughts of him being with someone come up - well, it's been six months, he probably would've fucked some girls already but it helped me so much to just stop trying to control it. He can go date whoever he wants, fuck whoever he wants, I can't control it. I can't control him or his life so there's no point of worrying over it, I can only control my life and damn well I will show up as a hella good version of myself.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk, you all are SO SO brave for handling this everyday, y'all are strong as hell and I admire each and every one of you. :) Take care xoxo
Edit:- If you find yourself getting false hope from some of those YouTube channels I mentioned, stop it right away. But for most part, they're pretty harmless and do check out Coach Dorothy's podcast.
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2020.09.17 01:50 Plane_Friend One year in: what I've learned

The other day I realized I'd surpassed a year marker since I began seeking out and, ultimately having, several affairs. As a man in my early to mid thirties, this was a much more transformative experience than I'd ever thought it would be. I met some amazing women, made a few friends, broke a heart or two, had mine broken in turn, and ultimately found a woman that I'm madly in love with. I've learned several truly important things, which I will muse into the void of reddit, in order of no particular...
1) Having an affair is a transformative experience. There is no singular reason why someone has one; some people are lonely, some people are abused, some are cake eaters while others seek validation. Having an affair will test your mettle, your capacity for empathy, and show you who you truly are as a person. That is, if you're open to being self aware. Which leads me to my second point...
2) Know thyself. We are all flawed. To err is human. Know that in very, very few instances is anyone the Saint in their marriage to their spouse. All of us own part of the failure to why we're searching for something more. I look over posts and I see so many people bashing what their spouse won't give them or do for them. Some are sad, some are obscene. However, if you don't know how you may have contributed to your current situation, I encourage you to look inwards. For me, it was never standing up for myself and my needs for years; it's not necessarily my spouses fault that I told her for years everything was fine because I didn't want the argument or fight that I would ultimately lose regardless. It took me a while to really think about my contributions.
3) Own your issues. If nothing changes, nothing changes. As I'd mentioned previously, I feel we all own some part of why we're seeking extra marital happiness. Once you identify things that you can control, keep them at the forefront and work on them, if for no one else than yourself.
4) Reasons are not justifications. This one may anger a few of you, but I don't really take pride in what I'm doing. I'm very, very fortunate to have met a few women who have each taught me something different about myself. I am more attractive than I credited myself for, more confident, and more valuable. Sometimes it takes an outside lense for you to truly see yourself the way others do. All that being said, I don't believe anything truly justifies cheating on a partner. For some this comes with a ton of guilt, for others none at all. You won't really know which side of that camp you fall on until post coitus, so just be aware.
5) Last but certainly not least, your happiness is your responsibility. This I cannot emphasize enough. Having an affair can help make you happy if you're missing something, but don't derive your happiness from someone else. You're borrowing from Peter to pay Paul in those situations, and it makes the (sadly frequent) breakups with an AP a struggle if you don't have the ability to be positive on your own. We are all here for our own reasons, of which they are numerous and storied. However, an affair should be sharing in happiness with another and bringing what you offer to the table in exchange for what you need. It should be fair and equitable. If you don't know how to be happy on your own, see point #2. A therapist or similar can be an excellent resource for working through your feelings and to work on yourself.
Thank you for coming to my unsolicited Ted Talk.
submitted by Plane_Friend to adultery [link] [comments]


2020.09.14 11:55 Mode2345 How to fix a broken heart

We know from studies of heartbroken people that having a clear understanding of why the relationship ended is really important for our ability to move on. Yet time and again, when we are offered a simple explanation we reject it. Heartbreak creates such dramatic emotional pain, our mind tells us the cause must be equally dramatic. And that gut instinct is so powerful, it can make even the most reasonable and measured of us come up with mysteries and conspiracy theories where none exist.
Heartbreak is far more insidious than we realize. There is a reason we keep going down one rabbit hole after another, even when we know it's going to make us feel worse. Brain studies have shown that the withdrawal of romantic love activates the same mechanisms in our brain that get activated when addicts are withdrawing from substances like cocaine or opioids. This is what makes heartbreak so difficult to heal. Addicts know they're addicted. They know when they're shooting up. But heartbroken people do not. But you do now. And if your heart is broken, you cannot ignore that. You have to recognize that, as compelling as the urge is, with every trip down memory lane, every text you send, every second you spend stalking your ex on social media, you are just feeding your addiction, deepening your emotional pain and complicating your recovery.
Getting over heartbreak is not a journey. It's a fight, and your reason is your strongest weapon. There is no breakup explanation that's going to feel satisfying. No rationale can take away the pain you feel. So don't search for one, don't wait for one, just accept the one you were offered or make up one yourself and then put the question to rest, because you need that closure to resist the addiction. And you need something else as well: you have to be willing to let go, to accept that it's over. Otherwise, your mind will feed on your hope and set you back. Hope can be incredibly destructive when your heart is broken.
Heartbreak is a master manipulator. The ease with which it gets our mind to do the absolute opposite of what we need in order to recover is remarkable. One of the most common tendencies we have when our heart is broken is to idealize the person who broke it. We spend hours remembering their smile, how great they made us feel, that time we hiked up the mountain and made love under the stars. All that does is make our loss feel more painful. We know that. Yet we still allow our mind to cycle through one greatest hit after another, like we were being held hostage by our own passive-aggressive Spotify playlist.
Heartbreak will make those thoughts pop into your mind. And so to avoid idealizing, you have to balance them out by remembering their frown, not just their smile, how bad they made you feel, the fact that after the lovemaking, you got lost coming down the mountain, argued like crazy and didn't speak for two days. What I tell my patients is to compile an exhaustive list of all the ways the person was wrong for you, all the bad qualities, all the pet peeves, and then keep it on your phone.
And once you have your list, you have to use it. When I hear even a hint of idealizing or the faintest whiff of nostalgia in a session, I go, "Phone, please."
Your mind will try to tell you they were perfect. But they were not, and neither was the relationship. And if you want to get over them, you have to remind yourself of that, frequently.
Heartbreak shares all the hallmarks of traditional loss and grief: insomnia, intrusive thoughts, immune system dysfunction. Forty percent of people experience clinically measurable depression. Heartbreak is a complex psychological injury. It impacts us in a multitude of ways. To fix your broken heart, you have to identify voids in your life and fill them, and I mean all of them. The voids in your identity: you have to reestablish who you are and what your life is about. The voids in your social life, the missing activities, even the empty spaces on the wall where pictures used to hang. But none of that will do any good unless you prevent the mistakes that can set you back, the unnecessary searches for explanations, idealizing your ex instead of focusing on how they were wrong for you, indulging thoughts and behaviors that still give them a starring role in this next chapter of your life when they shouldn't be an extra.
Getting over heartbreak is hard, but if you refuse to be misled by your mind and you take steps to heal, you can significantly minimize your suffering. And it won't just be you who benefit from that. You'll be more present with your friends, more engaged with your family, not to mention the billions of dollars of compromised productivity in the workplace that could be avoided.
So if you know someone who is heartbroken, have compassion, because social support has been found to be important for their recovery. And have patience, because it's going to take them longer to move on than you think it should. And if you're hurting, know this: it's difficult, it is a battle within your own mind, and you have to be diligent to win. But you do have weapons. You can fight. And you will heal.
Guy Winch - transcript of Ted Talk
submitted by Mode2345 to BreakUps [link] [comments]


2020.09.12 18:18 SoonlyXo Taylor Swift and The Weeknd are the two sides of the same coin

I know I'm going to get a lot of hate for The Weeknd being mentioned in this sub (especially with the recent VMA) but bear with me.
This idea came about at late night while listening to Folklore for who-knows-what time, so if things are a bit less coherent or there are mistakes, I'm sorry in advance. On to my point:
I've been a Swiftie for as long as I have been an XO, and I can see how as they approached their most recent album, their paths basically mirrored each other. They both started off from the a point really far away from the 'melancholy' line. Although most of Taylor's early album was about breakups, it usually had a happier note. Think of albums like her debut, Fearless, Speak Now and Red. On the other hand, The Weeknd took off from a very dark place (think Trilogy and Kiss Land), with songs with a very dark tone. They, however came close to each other as Taylor released 1989 and Abel released Beauty Behind the Madness, in 2014 and 2015 respectively. I feel like the tone in 1989 was a bit more bad-ass than the previous albums, and Beauty Behind the Madness was the same. The main difference is that Taylor was starting to move towards the melancholic line starting in 1989, while The Weeknd was moving up, mirroring Taylor's path. If you have doubts on my aforementioned point, go watch the video where she nailed the lines in "Can't Feel My Face" while still sounding like it was a song from 1989. They both peaked their bad-assery when Taylor released reputation and The Weeknd released Starboy, both in 2017. Neither were truly melancholic, but they were the closest thing to a total bad-ass style album. They both kinda split ways, however with The Weeknd's My Dear Melancholy and Taylor's Lover when they tried to return to their roots. MDM being more melancholic while Lover was more cheerful than 1989 or reputation. But, 2020 came then they both now hover slightly above or below that melancholic line, as Taylor's folklore sounds very near melancholic, but with a more cheerful lyrics. On the other hand, After Hours is hovering just below the melancholic line. Thanks for coming to my Ted-Talk
Note: Before bashing me, I would like to state some facts and my opinions
  1. I believed they both got their deserved awards during the VMA
  2. I believe they should collab (Think Lust for Life by Lana Del Rey, but replace Lana with Taylor)
  3. Yes, I'm a true fan to both, yes I supported both of them during voting
  4. TO those who are also a fan of both, I'm going to be really surprised
Edit: The reason I wrote the first paragraph was because on the day the awards was announced, there was one thread of comment on facebook that is super salty, so treat it as a precaution. Don't be offended but I'm already dried out by facebook's saltiness
submitted by SoonlyXo to TaylorSwift [link] [comments]


2020.09.05 14:40 Hamza97youtube Information overload (caused by excessive internet consumption) is leading to mind wandering - The most common mental illness of all. It just hasn't been diagnosed as such... yet. Here's how to reduce mind wandering.

Mark my words, mind wandering will be the biggest mental illness of the entire world within 10 years. This is something that I would argue literally everyone who uses the internet, smartphones and computers suffers from.

What is mind wandering?
In easy to understand words, mind wandering is when your thoughts drift away from what you are doing right now.
Examples:
You are in class at school but your thoughts are revolving around a video game you are addicted to. Instead of being able to focus on what your teacher says, you are planning what skill to level up next in Runescape.

You are speaking to a friend but it's like you can hear your own voice in your head speak over them. You find it hard to concentrate on what they say and people have actually noticed that you 'day dream' a lot. Day dreaming is mind wandering.

Is mind wandering that bad?
Yes. Watch this fascinating Ted Talk on mind wandering causing unhappiness.
TL:DR mind wandering makes people feel unhappier than if they were 'in the present moment' even if they wander (day dream) about something positive like a happy memory.
This is even true if you are present in a negative moment. This. Is. Huge.

Example:
You are getting shouted at by your parents for spending too much time on your phone (they were right all along). You start day dreaming because why would you want to focus on what they are saying? You day dreaming actually makes this experience WORSE.

You're going through a breakup with your girlfriend. You remember this post and your mindfulness training so you put in an effort to be mindful of the moment, even though it hurts. You will feel happier during this moment because you were present during it.
It seems ironic, like its backwards but it really does seem to be true.
Try it out for yourself...

So, what's the cure for mind wandering?
The cure for mind wandering is mindfulness. You've heard so much about meditation and mindfulness but I swear everyone who teaches it does it in such a complicated, hard to understand way.
Simply put:
Mindfulness is focusing on something in real life - You concentrate on the sounds you can hear like the birds outside, what you can feel like the feeling of gravity pulling your fat ass down, what you can taste etc..
Meditation is the workout that improves mindfulness. Imagine meditation like the gym session and mindfulness like the muscle gains.
You meditate which improves your levels of mindfulness.
You improve your levels of mindfulness which reduces the amount of mind wandering you experience.

Here is my full video on reducing mind wandering using The Mindfulness Framework - An easy to understand, 4 step process of improving your mindfulness.

I hope this helps any of you boys even half as much as it has helped me. I doubled down on my mindfulness practice during my 3 month long term dopamine detox and its like I have a new life now. I was never able to focus in school, I could barely read a paragraph of a book without day dreaming about something else. Now my focus and productivity has skyrocketed. I am sure my mindfulness practice has been the main influencer in this.
submitted by Hamza97youtube to DopamineDetoxing [link] [comments]


2020.09.04 20:34 Chemical-Voyage Some excessively strange dreams from my dream log you might enjoy! Let me know what y'all think.

----
(6/12-13/2018)
Ben and I are in our house. Something seems off (I don't remember what), and I repeatedly ask him if I’m in a dream or not. As a test, I try to jump and "float," and it works well enough to convince me that I am indeed dreaming.
Upon becoming lucid in a dream, the first thing I try to do is fly. And whenever I become lucid ‘in my house’, I try to fly over the stairs,
gain speed,
and
smash headlong
through the front door.
As you might imagine, such a technique works poorly. If I remember next time, I'll try a different method (like walking out through the front door first and then trying to fly).
----
(7/3-4/2018)
I’m driving up to Glacier National Park to go hiking…
…I stop and try to find cough syrup at a store, but they’re all out. Multiple slips of paper sit where the syrup had been, bearing the names and contact information of people who have reserved a bottle for when it’s restocked.
I had spent too much time in the store. I’m late for my ship — a ship that will sail northward along the west coast of Montana. I make it onto the ship in time…
...I jump off the ship into the ocean. (I don't remember why.) Upon landing, I discover that
the ocean is made of cloth.
Waves are merely folds of fabric. The sky is a solid black. Other ships turn on their searchlights and begin looking for me. I don’t want to be caught, so I pull some of the cloth over myself and hide from them…
----
(7/2-3/2018)
I’m at pool inside the Highlands Ranch tennis bubble with Ben and his friends. All of us are given guns.
We walk out onto a field. Someone is throwing soccer balls onto the field for us to shoot. Ben follows a bear with a shotgun. I tell him not to shoot it. We follow the bear off the field, up some steps, and around a tree. After another turn, we ascend another set of steps; they lead right into the second story of an old house filled with dusty sunlight. We find the bear in a room atop the stairs to the right. It’s in bed, sick. It has pink slippers and a pink nightgown on...
----
(7/13-14/2018)
I walk through a hotel and come to a large amphitheater-type movie theater. When I'm in the theater, it's dark outside — the theater is on the moon. People are riding bikes down a steep dirt hill in front of the screen. When I walk back out through the door, I’m in the hotel again.
----
(7/19/2018)
I move into a new dorm room. My new bed is just a sleeping bag set on a smooth, steeply-angled slab of wood. It’s claustrophobic. Is it underwater? Blue light filters in.
----
(7/28/2018)
I’m at a school English event. Bri is mad at me — is she jealous about something?
... I’m attending a movie with my class in an indoor movie theater. I notice that the chairs are tethered to the ceiling with strings. The chairs (including the one I’m sitting in) begin to swing in a large circle high above the floor.
At the top of the chair's swing trajectory is a mountain area. Snow covers the ground near a small river. People fish.
There are metal bars in the sky, painted red.
I grab a rope and swing towards them. I pass through the bars to find myself on a dark city street near a dock. I think it’s New York. The professor from Futurama stands there as Zoidberg is picked on by another creature. He runs away, then mutates and becomes larger. He runs back and guts the other creature.
... I’m in church. I fish for dusty coins under a table near a window. Stale mid-morning light filters in.
-----
(Unrecorded date)
I get into a fight with the Johnsons and am subsequently sent to a fighting camp. While there, Ben and I are made to sleep on small cots in cramped quarters. I try to steal another guy’s bed before a group of girls invites me to their bed. Upon getting into their bed, I enter an entirely new world. Soon, I find myself on a tropical island beach and turn to see a large concrete expanse, marking the entrance to a beach resort. To make it through the resort, it is imperative that I transform into a black man. (I don't remember why, but it was clear to me in the dream.) On the other side of the resort, the weather changes. I sit atop a derelict brick chimney and look out over a snowy canyon filled with cozy cottages. It’s a very nice view. (This is all in the girls' bed!)
----
(Unrecorded date)
I find myself in the middle of the ocean on some kind of giant structure (not unlike an oil rig) with a large pool of water in the middle of it. On a giant deck over the pool, large tiles shift to let airplanes, cars, and pedestrians move at certain times. (This is hard to explain.) Huge planes roll across the deck and are dumped into the large pool of water where I am, often barely missing me. Some of the planes miss the pool and fall straight into the ocean miles below.
The structure, previously held up by supports, is now flying slowly over the clouds. I'm being held captive here. A woman is guarding me and won’t allow me to leave. Some part of me recognizes that I'm dreaming and wouldn’t die if I just jumped off — perhaps I'll make a parachute materialize on my back. I run to the edge of the deck
and jump into thin air, miles above the earth.
I curl into a ball to fall faster...
...I fall through the clouds...
----
(1/25-26/2019)
I learn of a girl who is suffering from a recently discovered disease. It's currently incurable and quite deadly, but I believe I can help her. I meet with her and we discuss her symptoms so that I can form a plan of action. She dies the next day. I soon realize that I have caught the disease and will die within a week (this is absolutely certain).
I usually try to look at death in a peaceful light. In the dream, however, I am not able to accept death in a dignified way. The idea of impending oblivion is deeply hopeless, terrifying, and sad.
My thoughts are strangled by panic.
I can't die now - it's too soon! I didn't have enough warning! I'm still so young...
----
(2/2-3/2019)
I’m lying on a towel by a pool with Cassie and holding her as if we're still in a relationship. Suddenly, I remember that I broke up with her months ago. I get up, feeling terrible. I know that I could be with her again if I wanted (in the dream), but I remember how happy I've been without her in my life. I try to explain that I had forgotten about the breakup and that this doesn't mean we're together again. She sobs...
...Ben, Elizabeth, and I are running down a wide wooden boardwalk suspended far in the air. I mention that there are no boardwalks like these in Montana. As we run along, the boardwalk becomes more disheveled. Now we frequently have to jump across sizable gaps to avoid falling to the pavement below. The boardwalk descends until it's only about 10 feet off the ground. It’s cloudy out at this point (it had been very sunny earlier). We come to another large gap, and I tease Elizabeth, saying that someone had fallen here just last week. I pretend to push her, and she actually loses her balance. As she falls towards the gap, Ben and I try to push her hard enough to make her land on the other side of the gap. This doesn't work, and she falls through. As soon as she hits the ground,
her legs shatter and mangle
in a way that shouldn't have been possible from that height. What the fuck is happening? Her left leg breaks completely in half at the knee and lies in two pieces. Blood spurts everywhere as if from a hose. She's bleeding out, fast. She screams and cries in simultaneous terror and agony. Ben also begins to scream in terror. Their screams are hideously amplified by the dream. I try to call 911, but I know that Liz will have died by the time anyone arrives to help. Ben and Liz
continue to scream. This is my fault.
Even though I didn't mean to harm Liz, I'm the sole reason she fell and is now dying rapidly...
This is among the worst nightmares I've ever had. I cannot remember the last time I've felt such an intense surge of terror or guilt while dreaming. I can't fully describe what the screams of my little brother and sister sounded like. The amount of fear, shock, and desperation in them were unlike anything I've ever heard/experienced in the waking world. I woke up sweating and breathing as if winded.
----
(2/3-4/2019)
Ted Bundy owns properties under a freeway tunnel that winds through a mountain.
We descend into a very large cave. Lush fields sprawl beneath an orange sky. We find his house in the back of the cave near a river and venture inside to see his bedroom. There’s a body in the closet. Another body, decayed to little more than a skeleton, is found in a stone tomb in the front yard.
——
(Unrecorded date)
I’m on campus in the chemistry hall, but it looks different. I’m supposed to meet Sam at the bottom of some steps, but I enter a computer lab and head down a different set of steps instead. I walk outside through glass double doors to a grassy, hilly area. I see a school shooter and try to lead him away from any other students. It works; he starts following me. The dream is slowing my movements, but I escape...
...I’m heading up a road along a river into the mountains. The river is very wide at some points. At one point, silver truck drives past in the middle of the river. I’m with Bekah. I discover a small hippie van in a basin and glide down to it. Inside the van is a sunny mansion basement. There’s a party going on, where I meet a lot of cool people...
...I have a career as a neuroscientist and am married to a girl with orange hair whom I met at a movie theater.
I’m happy and fulfilled.
———-
(Unrecorded date)
Two women drive past our campsite near Granby in a large plastic RV. They try to make it up an impossibly steep hill but keep sliding down. They drive up a steep slope of sand and turn onto an unseen road halfway up...
...It’s early morning at our campsite, although now the campsite has transformed into a large, industrial-looking hotel near Atchison, Kansas. Matt and I head up the same slope the two ladies drove up, which is now snowy. Halfway up, I look down and get vertigo. I’m enjoying myself. The sun rises, large and red over the town we are now looking down on...
...I’m back in my hotel room. It turns out it’s still night, but there’s light streaming in through the window as if it’s morning. I investigate and discover 3 floodlights set out in a dark desert landscape, all pointed at the window. If I look in the direction of the lights and close my eyes, I see moving patterns...
...Ben and I run through the hotel facility the next day. We ascend a concrete ridge through an open-walled complex. The landscape has changed again - it’s now dusty and covered in low shrubs. I find what looks like an old wooden fence made of rubber and use it to slingshot myself through the air.
————-
(09/22/2019)
There’s a new housing building at my college, and it’s 40 stories tall. I take the elevator to floor 30. Outside the elevator is a mountain path. I carry someone along it while imagining what it would be like to mountain bike on it. Now inside again, I come to a plain set of dual staircases. Dark carpet lines them. Dull light fills the room through a small, simple square window. I try to find my way up one of the staircases but get confused and so try the other side. I wander up through plain common rooms and eventually make my way to a sprawling eating area in a massive, modern room. Tables sit on tiered platforms. Shiny metal railings line wide, shallow staircases. The room opens up to an outside eating area where I see Caden, and he tells me that
there’s a big information desk on floor 40.
I’ll make my way there.
I try to find another staircase, an elevator, anything — some way up and out of the food area. I have no luck. Getting desperate, I scale a concrete building and enter an outside art gallery. I wander through the art pieces, still looking for a staircase. I pass a large pile/collage of painted rocks before entering a narrow tower, the first floor of which is a restaurant. I finally find set of stairs after a Mexican father and son ordering Chipotle point them out to me. I take the stairs up to a large pool area. I go up some stairs again to a grand lobby. Someone plays a piano in a large, hotel-like hall. It certainly smells like a hotel. Fancy, thick, red carpets adorn the floors. I can hear a stone lion-shaped fountain gurgling in another room and see a large, rectangular pool outside. This is the top floor - floor 41. My mother is here. I tell her that this place really reminds me of the Broadmoor.
———
(4/29-30/2020)
I’m in bed with a cat. I can’t see it because it’s under the covers, but I know it’s Toby. I can feel him arch his back when I scratch him. Then I remember that we had to put Toby down a few days ago; he’s dead. And we don’t have a new cat.
What’s under the covers?
I yell in shock...
…I’m startled ‘awake’ into another dream by the nightmare. It’s ‘morning’ now. Mom and Dad take the dogs out, wearing yellow raincoats. Part of me feels like I'm in a small coffee shop on a rainy morning. Another part feels as though I’m in a rainforest. The house is huge and foggy. Things echo.
Looking over the balcony is like
looking down
through a bank of clouds…
...Matt is on his way to Pike’s Peak. He stops for a bike ride and falls hundreds of feet over a steep cliff. Somehow, he’s still alive. The whole family comes to make sure he’s okay. We sit with him in the gully he fell into. It’s narrow and filled with chalky red sediment. Someone walks up and warns Matt about not biking while on drugs, and Matt tells him to fuck off...
...Ben and I are in the old twin beds. It’s oppressively dark in our room — unnaturally dark. Ben is asleep. Something grabs my leg from behind, and I fall face-first off the bed onto the floor. I try to yell for Ben, but as I was falling, I realized that what I thought was Ben is actually
a dark, hunched figure…
———-
(6/16-17/2020; ~7:00 AM, after silencing several alarms)
I’m manufacturing a prank video scenario in my mind; it manifests in real life (dream-world real life) as I imagine it. A young adult male is stopped by TSA while going through airport security and is led into a room furnished with dark, multicolored carpet. Overhead halogen lamps wash the room in a weak yellow glow. A printer sits against a plain white wall. The TSA agents begin to print pictures onto pieces of printer paper, claiming that they’ll be used as evidence against the young adult. As the pictures come out, the young man realizes that they’re all black and white images from a vacation he had taken during the previous year. He and his friends had visited a small, snowy seaside village. It was cold there, but the pictures give him a cozy feeling because they spark happy memories. He is confused. The agents begin to talk about their personal memories associated with each image. The young man begins to suspect a prank and subsequently recognizes the TSA agents to be his friends. He smiles weakly but is still clearly shaken up…
…I am bathing a tiger with hand soap in my driveway. Brisk air and pink light fill the early morning. I’m nervous, but the tiger greatly appreciates the bath. I also wash a few monkeys. One of the monkeys turns into a woman and asks if she can visit me later. The animals beg me to come back, and I promise to, but I know that I never will. I realize that before washing the animals, I had been doing homework throughout the entire previous month (may) with no breaks. This marks the first morning during which I’m not working steadily. I’m filled with deep sadness. I examine my work. I’ve been drawing (with pencil) disfigured animals against disturbing, dreamlike backgrounds. Strange plants fill the scenes.
A song is playing as I enter my backyard again and head towards the back door of my house. (I can only remember two lines of the song now that I’m awake. The melody was a cross between __ and Mr. Jones.)
The lyrics are:
“My heart has been turned to sticks and stones
Without even breaking my bones.”
I miss the animals.
I ponder whether all the work I did is worth anything to me.
The waking world now feels so much less meaningful to me than washing the tiger. I don’t care about anything, and it makes me very sad.
I really miss the animals.
I’ve resolved to carefully examine my life experience, what I want, and what makes me feel fulfilled through the lens of the dream.
Will I ever feel as ‘full’ in the waking world as I did while washing the tiger?
submitted by Chemical-Voyage to Dreams [link] [comments]


2020.09.04 03:45 FunkDrSmooth Anyone else feel like a hot mess?

Not even really sure where to start. I beat myself up constantly over the littlest things. I’ve been dating a girl for a few months now and trying to make things work in this relationship is really bringing out all of my insecurities. The worst part is I can’t tell if I’m just crazy or not. I think I like this girl and would love to make things work, but I’ve been kicking myself in the ass ever since it started.
Last year I went through a breakup. As any breakup, it was really tough. Since then I haven’t been able to help but have a negative attitude during myself in dating. I feel inadequate, like I’m not good enough, and that rejection is inevitable. I want so bad to be the perfect partner that I beat the crap out of myself when I mess up.
Last night I made a dumb mistake and the girl I’m dating let me know that it didn’t sit with her well, but ultimately things are fine. I thought about it all night and sent two big long texts in the morning apologizing again. Now I feel like overreacted! Constantly beating myself up. Once I calm down about one thing, my brain picks another thing to freak out about.
I’m sick of being in pain. I wish I knew, is it me? Is it the relationship? Did I not give myself enough time to heal after my last break up?
Anyway, I’m a hot mess. Thank you for coming to my TED talk
submitted by FunkDrSmooth to Anxiety [link] [comments]


2020.09.02 15:20 eros_bittersweet Perfectly Impossible: Red, White & Royal Blue

Warnings for some talk about politics. My commentary is critical of the book’s utopian political vision, which I argue is part of its view on an “ideal” world in which such a romantic plot would be possible, and is therefore fair game, though I fully acknowledge the book is not trying to be “realistic” in any way. Spoilers ahead for the entire thing. There are brief mentions of being outed against one’s will and a sexual abuse plotline.
Casey McQuiston’s 2019 novel Red, White & Royal Blue is obviously not meant to be a serious commentary on the current political state of affairs in the U.S.A. It is over-the-top outlandish wish-fulfillment for a person of a certain political stripe. If you are not super-duper lefty, this book is decidedly not for you, and you’ve probably given it a pass. I am super-duper lefty, but the only reason I mention this is that while I’m not American, which understandably makes this book less “for me,” this book is intended to speak to people like me, who think the way I do about certain social issues. I’m not going to hate on it because it assumes everyone reading shares its leftist and progressive ideals. At the same time, I feel weirdly curmudgeonly being critical of it in any way as it is so unabashedly a fantasy. Any dislike of its candy-coloured utopian alternate timeline is, arguably, beside the point, as this is a romance, not a realistic political drama.
I’ll give you a taste of the book’s flavour with a bit of a summary which goes on too long because it’s rather fun to summarize. This novel starts with Henry, Prince of Wales, and Alex, the son of the American President, who hate each other for no good reason, getting into a tiff at a royal wedding of the prince’s brother. Of course, they wind up somehow falling into the very expensive royal wedding cake, Alex hauling down Henry until they land in a pile of icing sugar and wasted taxpayer dollars. It continues with the two of them being forced into a “no, we’re really best friends, not mortal enemies” joint PR tour of the UK, in which they appear on morning shows and make sure to arrange a photocall afterwards. During these plot machinations, while visiting sick children in the hospital, the Prince and the FSOTUS escape a (false) gun threat by being shoved into a hospital broom closet, a gesture whose symbolism is not lost on either character.
However, before they can get together, Alex must first realize he’s bisexual, after Prince Henry confesses to his crush on Alex, then kisses him during a party. Alex finally figures out why he is so into the idea of that, having never set aside the time to consider his sexuality before – a part of the novel I loved. Chapters later, having both definitively exited that literal and metaphorical closet, they are kissing wildly against a portrait of Alexander Hamilton in the White House. The couple’s secret relationship develops during night out at the karaoke bar, which Alex and Henry attend with their best friends and favourite siblings. Everyone wears matching silk kimonos with customized embroidery featuring cheeky names for each member of the group. The narrative gaze lingers on happy montages of beautiful, successful queer British and American millennial/gen-Zers photogenically flirting with each other and having a grand, carefree time, not worried about a pandemic, paying their rents, civil rights protests or domestic terrorists attacking those civil rights protestors. Henry, who is rather shy, drinks enough liquid courage to belt out “Don’t Stop Me Now” at the mic. Alex, not shy at all, hauls him off to the bathroom for some private fun as a reward.
The book contains a scene where Alex storms over to Buckingham Palace after purchasing a first-class plane ticket on his own dime, after being ghosted by Henry, who can’t deal with Alex’s overtures towards commitment. Given his role as the spare to the throne, his life is supposed to involve churning out heterosexual babies with a nice member of the nobility, which would preclude a relationship with Alex, whom he never expected to seriously like him enough for that kind of commitment. Alex, despite being on the “do not admit” blacklist post-breakup, negotiates his way into the princely apartments with the help of a savvy security staffer with an inside connection: her fiancé is on Henry's security detail. Once he’s busted past the guards, Alex declares his undying love for Prince Henry and throws himself at his feet. Of course, it works, because this book’s sensibility is firmly in Hollywood, not the territory of a British rom-com. According to its logic, since Henry is a classically English repressed sort of man, his tender heart wants nothing more than an American grand gesture of affection. And it got me, it really did; I mean, all these concocted scenes, which are not trying to be anything but indulgent fun and are certainly a distraction from pandemics, civil rights protests and domestic terrorism. How can a person of a certain political stripe possibly dislike a single thing about a story like that? What kind of pitiless, mean-spirited monster would one be to do so?
More than this, how can anyone hate the book’s treacly ambitions? Because that is what it aspiring to be: a confection, and one concocted by a very masterful pastry chef, at that, whose every writing decision seems so clever and deliberate it cannot be doubted that if this wanted to be some other sort of book about an intercontinental political love-affair, you’d be reading that instead, and it WOULD still be an NYT bestseller. This is a story about optimism in politics, as much as it is about a romantic relationship. It is a moral fable in which hard work is rewarded, politicians possess virtue alongside hustle, and the public can be trusted to make the right decision on both presidential elections and whether they should celebrate high-profile gay relationships between the children of heads of state (and ceremonial figureheads). It’s a book in which a politician’s private email server leaks are honestly no big deal and have no effect on the upcoming election. The politician who leaks a rival’s emails in response to the initial hacking is not motivated by pure greed and selfishness. He wants to achieve a greater political good by bringing down a corrupt candidate who sexually abused and tried to blackmail him, possibly sacrificing his own career in the process.
It is also a book in which un-politically correct opinions, like the ones voiced by a WASPy Dem staffer, that certain red states are too far-gone to be worth courting by the Democrats; or the opinions voiced by the highly fictionalized queen of England, that the majority of the public will not support gay rights now or ever, are definitively trounced and proven wrong. This feels a bit like grandstanding a position on the right side of history, as much as I agree with those sentiments. At the novel’s conclusion, the left wins the political and the culture war. There is kissing and celebration. History is made: a tagline of the lover’s hacked emails, in which Alex compares his relationship with Henry to other famous historical gay love-affairs, is enshrined on a popular T-shirt, with the slogan, “History, huh?” Everyone waves around their pansexual-flag-embroidered jean-jackets in glee and no one is murdered while they are out peacefully protesting.
So why do I feel so let-down and bitter by that aspect of the book, as though I have just binged a box of chocolates and been left with a tremendous sugar headache? Because, damn, at certain points, this was some of the best sugary chocolate I have ever eaten, so it was definitely worth it, but we’ll return to that later. Why does presenting common decency and morality in a context that is deliberately fantastical and purely leftist seem so disheartening? Why do I feel such disappointment that most of the side characters - the women president, the hero’s sister, and his best friend - three women who are brilliant at their jobs and endlessly supportive of the hero, seem like little more than author mouthpieces for clever wisecracks and correct decisions that fall on the right side of history, and not actual people? Why does it frustrate me so much that these women can do no wrong and make not a single mistake, as though they might be less worthy of rooting for if they dared to be imperfect?
The tacit assumption of the book is that the entire political process of elections in the States, a bloated and yearslong endeavour that consumes billions of dollars and results in a dysfunctional political system that can’t manage to return people’s money to public benefits, is intrinsically right and good. The election swallows an entire year of White House political energy in this novel. It is the first thought on Alex’s mind at every moment when he’s not thinking of his love for Henry or his future career. Domestic politics aren’t mentioned once, and no one seems to have a problem with that. I mean, if you are this invested in the system, of course, you want that personal and organizational cost to pay off with success because otherwise, it is a colossal waste of resources. Slow blink; stare off into the distance, sigh.
I listen to Pod Save America more often than I have any business doing as a non-national. From the perspective of political organizers, I know that this kind of investment of time and money is simply what American politics demands in its current form. One cannot even reshape that system without being immersed within it, paying the price and accepting the cost at every level of meaning for that term, so it’s not as though I’m unsympathetic to the realities of being a politician in the USA. It’s not as though I literally want this novel to be about the USA completely overhauling its political system to become Sweden, as that would be beyond the scope of any novel where politics are not at the very center of things. But even so, the limits of this novel’s idealism made me shake my head at actual problems too great to be handwaved away in an escapist flight of fancy. Just as normalized as the accepted path to political success is the idea, in this book, that the first son and daughter of the president naturally become celebrities and nepotistically fill public roles within the administration. This is a reality that has garnered no small amount of critique for a family on the other side of the political aisle. I think such nepotism is wrong in any circumstance, for the record. But is it even fair to be upset that the imagination of this book doesn’t extend far enough to question certain assumptions about the ideal political outcome? Is it not too much to demand of a work of fiction which does not pretend, for a moment, to be real, or that its goal is anything other than a “deserving heroes” AU within an existing political framework?
Even so, are the heroes entirely deserving? How do we hear so much about Alex wanting to help people by being a politician, but are given zero examples of him actually helping people through political action, for instance? Alex doesn’t HAVE to go have some manufactured encounter where he helps a troubled youth through a government-sponsored outreach program, or something, just to convince me, Ms. Canadian Crankpyants without a dog in this fight, that he’s a good person and not just in the political game for the sake of his vanity, as I would argue he seems to be on occasion. At the conclusion of the novel, Alex’s sister June sells a memoir to a publisher. Does a mid-twenties daughter of a politician really have enough life experience to merit writing a memoir, and is it fair that the memoir is primarily going to be read by people interested in her mom’s politics, and does celebrating this not seem to cheerfully reinforce our present reality where power, wealth and privilege simply beget more generational power, wealth and privilege and opportunities for personal advancement?
You get the idea. My critique boils down to, “Instead of becoming pure escapist fantasy, the specific ways in which it is congruent and incongruent with reality dragged me down.” Which is quite personal, and certainly not a widely shared opinion, as many people adored this book’s escapism. The author, in the postscript, has indicated that this is how she wanted to serve the people who are working so hard in public service: by giving them a fantastical alternate world to mitigate the sting of the present one, the sort of world she’d want to live in herself. This is arguably an act of humility, not hubris, creating a better imaginary world to soothe those people for whom reality is presently an unbearable burden. “It’s just not for you,” you might rightly say, and I cannot disagree.
But parts of this novel are SO very much for me that it isn’t accurate to say it simply wasn’t for me. The letters the guys exchange, for example - Oh God, the letters are everything. The newspaper and groupchat epistolary elements were not Canquilt’s favourite in her 🎉DYF🎉 review, though she did enjoy the emails, so your mileage may vary. I just love the feeling that we’re peering over someone’s shoulder when letters are included; that we’re reading about the protagonists’ heart’s desires, their secret selves they keep hidden from the world and only revealed to the person they love most. This novel’s third act sees the pair of young lovers breathlessly exchanging over-the-top romantic emails footnoted with historical quotations from real gay love affairs. In these letters, when they aren’t flexing their knowledge of, for example, composers of the Romantic movement, as they are wont do in person, they explain their affection for each other through invented fairytales and landscape allegories. There seems to be no metaphor bold enough to convey their passions. Alex writes to Henry: “On the map of you, my fingers can always find the green hills, wales, cool waters and a shore of white chalk. The ancient part of you carved out of stone in a prayerful circle, sacrosanct. Your spine’s a ridge I’d die climbing.” (447) Now I’m sighing and staring off into the distance for quite different reasons.
A frequently mentioned critique of this book is that it has a tendency towards try-hard-ness with its quippy cleverness. I mean, here is how Alex’s best friend Nora describes her outfit for one event: "i’m going for, like, depressed lesbian poet who met a hot yoga instructor at a speakeasy who got her super into meditation and pottery, and now she’s starting a new life as a high-powered businesswoman selling her own line of hand-thrown fruit bowls." (212)
Yeesh. The conversations often have this air of people showing off for each other, used to perennially auditioning their smarts for an audience, almost anticipating their screencaps are going to get posted to a subreddit or popular Instagram page. This book has no chill in that regard. Someone’s almost always being impossibly, performatively clever to someone else. Says the President, after the Alex-and-Henry falling into the cake scandal: “As your mother, I can appreciate that maybe this isn’t your fault, but as the president, all I want is to have the CIA fake your death and ride the dead-kid sympathy into a second term.” (37)
Yet in the epistolary portion of the narrative, that over-the-top effort just works. Where the tone could be snarky before, here it is unabashedly earnest and tender. Besides, love-letters are supposed to be a combination of try-hard and earnest, which you know the other party will not judge you for your indulgences, for your craziest hyperbole and your wildest flights of fancy, because they are so madly in love they’ll forgive anything. The love letters in the novel become a layer cake with another layer cake on top and extra maraschino cherries drowned in heaps of whipped cream, and I wanted to drown myself in them, reveling in vicarious happiness all the way down.
I thought, this is the most incredible thing I have ever seen [meaning seeing Alex for the first time]” writes Henry, of the moment he fell in love with Alex – at first sight, of course, when they were both teenagers. “And I had better keep it a safe distance away from me. I thought, if someone like that ever loved me, it would set me on fire. And then I was a careless fool, and I fell in love with you anyway.” (300)
Says Alex, describing his love for Henry after having a bit too much whiskey: “there’s a corner of your mouth, and a place that it goes. Pinched and worried like you’re afraid you’re forgetting something. I used to hate it. used to think it was your little tic of disapproval. but I’ve kissed your mouth, that corner, that place it goes, so many times now. I’ve memorized it. topography on the map of you, a world I’m still charting. I know it. I added it to the key, here: inches to miles. I can multiply it out, read your latitude and longitude, recite your coordinates like la rosaria.” (319)
In the tradition of sixteenth-century explorers charting the new world, and maybe a bit of winking reverse imperialism for the country that gave America its language and staked its own claim there, Alex tells Henry that the topography of his body is as sacred to him as the key he wears next to his heart, the key to his family home. He’s saying that he holds this quirk of Henry’s physical self, that twitch of his mouth, that once meant one thing to him and is now revealed to be quite another expression of sentiment, as a token of that private persona only a lover knows. He has memorized it with all the fervour of religious prayer, recalling the metrics of Henry’s body as though he can summon him back, translate him over this impossible physical and cultural distance that separates them. It’s so beautiful and thoughtful. I have rarely read another romance novel in which the vulnerable passion of first love is so fearlessly written. For that alone, the entire book is worth it. Those are the scenes to which I’ll be returning when I reread it. Because yes, as much as the political assumptions bothered me, the love story was that wonderful.
On that try-hard-ness I mentioned earlier, though…Here I am, utterly a hypocrite, because I am someone who writes three thousand words over-intellectualizing erotica and now some weirdly personal, nitpicky hit piece on a gay prince/American royalty escapist fantasy. And shouldn’t we be celebrating a writer who takes such pains to make everything in her fluffy, cotton-candy-book bright and sparkling and shiny, as clever as can be, and as thoughtful as is humanly possible, who admits in her acknowledgments that she pruned 40,000 words from the draft at one point and cites her genuinely impressive research into gay history archives?
But there is nothing about this book that is not striving for something, striving for the perfect one-liner, or the perfect post-collegiate path to success for a first daughter with writerly aspirations, or the perfect near-miss yet plausible-recovery re-election story for the incumbent president. It even attempts to mitigate some of the darker territory the book skims over by, well, this sort of lampshade hanging, in which it’s acknowledged that things historically have been awful but, y’know, not above poking fun at:
“Listen,” Alex tells her [his sister June, before the royal wedding commences] “royal weddings are trash, the princes who have royal weddings are trash, the imperialism that allows princes to exist at all is trash. It’s trash turtles all the way down.”
“Is this your TED Talk?” June asks. “You do realize America is genocidal empire too, right?” (20)
Genocidal empire lol let’s go try on some totally edgy bomber jacket for Mom’s big political moment and never mention colonialism again! I mean…I understand not wanting to make a romance book about reckoning with the actual legacy of genocidal empires, but I do question whether being quite so blasé about things that are terrible isn’t a bit too flippant.
McQuiston goes heavy on a Protestant qua late-capitalist idea of virtue through perpetual hustle, in which it’s praiseworthy to sleep at your desk and drink to cope with your stress and postpone any self-reflection about your sexual identity that might be painful because who even has the time for that (a portion of the novel I found frighteningly relatable, for the record) and to eat junk food for dinner and have a nervous breakdown the moment you stop spinning in the endless toil of to-do-lists and career ladder climbing. It all becomes more than a little exhausting, even for purportedly escapist fun. Interesting, isn’t it, that work-life balance has no part in the fantasy of the ideal political landscape, that every single character is a nose-to-the-grindstone hustler who won’t quit and has no idea what to do with themselves when their workload is diminished. Alex, when he’s fired from his mom’s campaign as a political liability once his love-affair is outed, basically goes on long runs, freaks out a lot, and lets angst spur him to take the LSAT, lest we think, for a single minute, that he’s some kind of lazy fuck-up for not maximizing his downtime. That might make him…a bad person!
I don’t want this to just be one long bitch-session about how certain parts of the book didn’t work for me sandwiched around an enthusiastic rave for the portion that did. And really, McQuiston is so funny and clever and thoughtful in her work that I am certainly interested in whatever she does next. I am fairly confident the problems I have with this specific novel would be almost impossible to replicate in any other context and I’ll probably love her next one.
But I think what was missing, for me personally, was this idea of the worthwhile struggle, of really suffering for a cause that is worth it. Don’t get me wrong – both Alex and Henry DO suffer for their identity, and the cost of being honest means having their names and their relationship dragged through the press after it is outed against their wills, which is a legitimately terrifying prospect. And the idea that gay people need to be shown as suffering for who they are is a tired one; completely overdone. We don’t need more fictional gay suffering whatsoever. But I think we do need an aspirational world in which the everyday imperfections of others and ourselves – when people voice ideas we don’t agree with, when we undertake the occasional selfish action we have not considered fully enough, when we may fail to succeed – are accommodated in a visionary ideal reality, a place where goodness and morality are apolitical. Where politics are other than press optics; where meaning is found beyond PR appearances, where failure to achieve a goal is a more profound teacher than success. I would like an ideal escapist world to seem not quite so impossible to imagine as real, because it is populated by imperfect people who resemble ourselves, who we root for to succeed, and who we still have sympathy for when they don’t. Even in a romance novel. Especially for these two lead characters, who felt so real to me except for their unreal, idealized world.
All that said, this is a decade-defining novel, and we’re going to be talking about it for years to come. You should definitely read it, and you should definitely rave to me about how much you loved it if you did. If there’s one thing I love, it’s when people love something so much that they persuade me to change my mind and fall in love with it; to see that smirky humour in a way I’ve never considered before, until I’m writing love-letters to it myself.
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2020.08.31 10:47 RebornInLife The ocean of energy, avoiding traps, looking at life really long term and the price of spilling the seed

Previous post.
This is for people longer in the game, truly transmuting and people who are also interested in the mystical aspects of reality. Mystical, as in, we-still-don't-understand-it-so-we-shit-on-it-or-ignore-it for most people.
We, live in an ocean of energy. I am basing this statement on years of research, hundreds of hours of listening to scientists, yogis, mystics, researchers of all types and my own experiences.
This TedTalk explains it brilliantly: LINK.
For people truly interested in semen retention and transmutation and doing it as well as reading thousands of stories, there's no room for even the shadow of a doubt. People contact you out of nowhere, people stare at you, you glide through situations, others are intimidated, exes reach out, and so on. Some have much more potent experiences, some go on and never even talk about them.
This is also why people effortlessly drop addictions, are attracted to different food, drinks, music, friends, sleep at different hours. Eventually even their jobs and friends will change.
Now, what about the negative consequences? We see them physically but also energetically. The Hindu Rishis of old explain it with the three gunas embeded into the very nature of reality: sattva, raja and tama. I explain it my other posts.
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Once you pull out a droplet from the ocean, you can admire it, look at it, name it, frame it. But if you drop it back into the ocean, where does the droplet end and the ocean begin? It's all just the ocean.
So, where am I going with this?
Once you start to stick out of the water in your area, other droplets will either follow you or try to pull you down. They kind of have to. I'm also not advocating a single minded response: even the great saint Ramakrishna said that you need to make a show of tamas (dark energy) if necessary for bad people to fuck off. Otherwise they will just abuse you and pull you down. But there is always a range of possibilities. Same as in conversation: you can pause, you can just look at the other person, you can let them trap themselves and so on.
Now, many of the ancients mention penalties for spilling your seed: brain fog, rage, energy loss, darkness (if excessive), bad luck and so on. Some were very strict, others not so much.
In the Christian scripture we find the story of Sodom and Gommorah where God decides to wipe out two cities because they are full of evil. I consider the Bible an absolute masterpiece of wisdom, written on many levels. It was written by true masters but also partially compiled from older works.
Although perverted sexuality is emphasised, I'm sure there were killings, murders, slavery, etc. Evil eventually inter-connects itself because it attracts itself. The righteous elder who is loyal to the old ways in the city pleads with God's angels: what if there is 25 people still righteous in the city? Surely the all-good Lord will not destroy it? The angels say no, they will leave it then. But what if there is 20? and so it goes on until it's only him and his family.
5 *They called to Lot, “Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us so that we can have sex with them.” (the angels were stunningly beautiful)*6 Lot went outside to meet them and shut the door behind him 7 and said, “No, my friends. Don’t do this wicked thing. 8 Look, I have two daughters who have never slept with a man. Let me bring them out to you, and you can do what you like with them. But don’t do anything to these men, for they have come under the protection of my roof.” 9 “Get out of our way,” they replied. “This fellow came here as a foreigner, and now he wants to play the judge! We’ll treat you worse than them.” They kept bringing pressure on Lot and moved forward to break down the door. 10 But the men inside reached out and pulled Lot back into the house and shut the door. 11 Then they struck the men who were at the door of the house, young and old, with blindness so that they could not find the door. 12 The two men said to Lot, “Do you have anyone else here—sons-in-law, sons or daughters, or anyone else in the city who belongs to you? Get them out of here, 13 because we are going to destroy this place. The outcry to the LORD against its people is so great that he has sent us to destroy it.” 14 So Lot went out and spoke to his sons-in-law, who were pledged to marry his daughters. He said, “Hurry and get out of this place, because the LORD is about to destroy the city!” But his sons-in-law thought he was joking.
The cities are eventually wiped out thoroughly, not even sulphur and rock remains there.
You are a microcosmic bubble of energy, walking around through an ocean of energy. Your bubble has it's own protection and auric fields, but is influenced by other bubbles. When you have sex you connect to the other person intimately, when you ejaculate into a woman, a big part of your energy, your very being enters into her. There are other elements to it as well as research on chimerism and psychological research on having many partners and being able to bond.
So, say you live in a megacity, many of which are becoming hell-scapes in a way. There's thousands of murders, abortions, tortures, rapes, lies, cheatings, broken hearts, fear, darkness, bad food, bad air, bullying's, an ocean of ejaculations, paedophilia, zoofilia, pornography, anxiety, etc. And of course even deeper evil like satanic rituals, child sacrifice, psychopathic-demonic serial killers and so on.
Gooooood, goooooooood.....
This impacts the greater field of that entire area. Sure, there's plenty of good too, but I'd say in all megacities the darkness is winning easily. By that I mean from very subtle darkness to very deep, unimaginable horror. I've heard often that people who are more sensitive to energy literally feel differently just entering those places (of course) and also visiting creepy places like the suicide forest in Japan or certain castles in Europe. And of course they do, the energy of what was done stays there until it either spends itself or is cleansed. There's a specific energy to a stadium full of euphoric people supporting their football team. You might not even follow the game and the energy carries you and suddenly you're like YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH BABY!!! There's a certain energy to a graveyard, or your room, or a temple, or a dungeon, etc.
So how to protect yourself? Obviously follow all the key advice of transmutation and be willing and ready to drop people that are toxic and/or downright evil. Further than that, you might have to leave certain areas anyway. Not everyone is aiming for the same things and that's fine too.

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Long term and reeeeeeally long term
Long term you want to untangle yourself from negativity, garbage and enemies. Do it in a smart way but eventually the goal is to end that connection. Say I'm your enemy for some reason. We go back and forth with verbal insults, maybe a fight. Depending on the situation and not wanting to be humiliated or damaged, once you've said/done your peace, be done with that person. The more you entangle yourself, you're wasting time, life energy, and often vicious and toxic people want it to go on and on and on. They feed of that energy, as do certain other entities.
Really just keep going if that's your goal
Most people don't think more than a few months in advance, much less 5-10-30 years.
Does it matter? Once you expire will it matter? Who will be remembered some schlomo who tried to sabotage Tesla and burned down his laboratory or Tesla?
So keep going, it's a bumpy ride on many levels.
Once and if you engage with a woman, make sure it's what you want and you are heading somewhere long term. There's hundreds of millions of hotties with titties and assess on Instagram and bitter divorces, suicides, depressions etc. The reason breakups of longer relationships hurt so much is because people have forged deep energetic bonds and then a betrayal and separation hurts intensely. Many men commit suicide, kill the former partner and so on. So thread carefully and as a disciplined, retaining man you will attract very different women anyway. Think and feel it through. Where is this going? What will it cost me? Do I know this person - at all?
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The whole focus on the body has caused an ocean of pain, misery and death. Women harm themselves or just give up on the game because they're not models, men get caught up with the worst women because they're hot. Thousands of children are abandoned and traded as pawns in a sick game. And the wise words of Sivananda echo even today:
"The love between husband and wife is mainly physical, selfish and hypocritical. It is not constant. It is of an ephemeral and changing nature. It is carnal passion only. It is sexual appetite. It is tinged with lower emotions. It is of bestial nature. It is finite. But divine love is infinite, pure, all-pervading and everlasting. There is no question of divorce here. (...)
All sorts of sex anomalies and evil habits of various sorts like masturbation and sodomy must be completely eradicated. They bring about a total breakdown of the nervous system and immense misery. (...)
The most devitalising and demoralizing of pleasures is the sex pleasure. Sensual enjoyment is attended with various defects. It is attended with various sorts of sins, pains, weaknesses, attachments, slave mentality, weak will, severe exertion and struggle, craving and mental restlessness. Worldly persons never come to their proper senses although they get severe knocks, kicks and blows from different corners. The strolling street dog never stops from visiting the houses even though it is pelted with stones every time. - Swami Sivananda, The Practice of Brahmacharya
Marriage can be beautiful and long lasting but even then it's not what most modern people imagine: an endless Disneyland adventure.
Next post.
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2020.08.27 08:52 conmondog21 (Discussion) looking through old pictures

Hey guys, hope you are doing well. I wanted to share an epiphany that might help the process of getting over them.
I was looking through old photos of my old girlfriend who I broke up with two years ago, and some feelings resurfaced and it was not healthy for me as I noticed it right away that I had a very strong urge to contact her and get back together with her. It wasn’t until I visited her twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, messages, that I realized that she’s completely changed. One of the most important things for me in a girl is someone who thinks for themselves and doesn’t conform to the ideologies of the majority or the people who surround her. I realized, through messaging her that she has turned into someone else. I was looking through old pictures of her and missing the old her, not the person that still exists.
I know it sounds bad, but I think it is actually kind of healthy to think of the heartbreaker as dead. Think about it, they changed and so did you. Those characters do not exist anymore. They died. It’s very sad to see that part of life go by and you can spend time wishing for it back, but please, I want everyone to know that it is impossible to get back, just like how it’s impossible to bring someone back from the dead, it is impossible to bring someone back after they’ve changed their life after the breakup with you.
I miss her so much. I miss talking to her and hearing what she had to say. She was so beautiful and caring and considerate of what everyone had to say. Until recently, I noticed that she did not care about anyone, she had joined the local cult, and joined the sheep as roger waters would call it. She had stopped being that unique girl that she was, and I had no right to change her back into the person that I loved.
The person I loved so much and got so comfortable with had died. She does not exist anymore. Like every death, it is really sad to see that go, but I have no urge to get back together with that person now, because it is a totally different person from what I fell in live with so heavily. She is not the person I loved so much, and it would be worthless to try and make it work with the person she is now, because that is not who I fell in love with. It’s time to move on, it’s time to go on with life and accept deaths in the family.
Thank you for listening to my ted talk.
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2020.08.27 01:31 Ok-Ad-1927 How long is just dumb?

Summary: met a guy - perfect connection mushy super happy one five line text squabble — ignored — I over texted — one text breakup — I overtexted (I agreed but wanted to talk, not massively like 3 texts) — it’s done I dint want to talk to you —- I replied nothing —- texted him day after — nothing —- one text after —- boom two texts of hatred and anger leave me alone never contact me again or I’ll block you — from the last time we saw each other being totally goofy and awesome and just biggest issue being he wanted to text me all day and I couldn’t and he got upset that I didn’t want to text... like it was 16 hours a day for 3 weeks lol — blocked me like 10 days ago and nothing. Sent a bullshit text to his friend explaining but it was 90% lies. Not heard anything and apparently he’s fine and happy.
I’m a 31 year old girl he’s a 26 year old man.
Met a guy instant connection like amazing. Said it felt like it straight away it was right. Same here. Totally fell. He freaked out. I was freaking out but together was great. Got into a text bicker and he ignored me, I blew up his phone like five texts? And he broke up with me over text and is refusing to talk to me and wants nothing more to do with me. The entire time he has been adamant that we will always be around for each other (not a player we have mutual friends) but he has said he was terrified? Now he’s saying he wasn’t feeling it and he hated it and a bunch of other awful things but I know for a fact that’s not true. Right after he said he was fine and just not into it but the day before he was still talking about future stuff without noticing and being super romantic and goofy. His big issue was that I couldn’t text all day coz we talked constantly. And then I texted him once and he lost it and flipped out angry. But apparently he just doesn’t care. Like the week before he almost cried at potentially me not being in his life now it’s just fine? His friend says he’s literally never going to speak to me again. He hasn’t spoken to me in 12 days and when he flipped out he blocked me on everything (even things he doesn’t even use smh) he unblocked me twice and then reblocked me but nothing. He texted his friend 8 pages explaining but he made almost all of it up twisted it and left out everything he said and did and actually said I said some of the stuff he said. He ended it with he has to step back and he needs to distance himself. He doesn’t want to talk to me. She said he’s never going to again. Which I get (stupid anxiety ptsd crap) I just can’t process it because I actually trusted him. I let him connect with my son... I told him to back off and he said no because my kid needed someone and it wasn’t about me and he wasn’t going anywhere...
He’s very stubborn but I know when he broke up with me he was just getting mad at me. I dint know how long is too long to hope... I miss him even as a close friend I miss him and I am such a dumbass for trusting him. Gah breakups suck. Lol I need to handle rejection better but this time I was totally blindsided. Honestly sometimes it felt like movie magic perfect from the first time we met. Not like in a Harry met sally kinda way more like Bill and ted if they were a bit closer ... I mean I think he was fully falling for me and freaked out. He’s terrified of love. But who does that? When everything is awesome? He also said being happy makes him uncomfortable but he is and just had to adjust.. ? But apparently he wasn’t adjusting... I’d make any changes to be able to have him in my life but this is so dumb... can it really go down like this? From thinking it was going to be it for him to never speaking to me again a week later? What do I do?
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2020.08.26 07:46 IndigoHawk About Jen in S2

Is she the villain of S2? Is this what the show intended? She's so abusive and uses anger, neglect, and isolation to control people around her.
She almost drives Henry to panic by projecting her own issues onto him and ignoring how anxious he is about performing. (In S1, she also stole his bird toy to discourage his connection to Judy and locked the windows which isolated him from the bird he feels represents Ted.)
She yells and severely punishes Charlies and lies that she's doing it because he drove without a license, when really she's upset the car will expose her. She humiliates him in front of his kind of girlfriend, which also isolates him. She also yells at him when he brings concerns to her, using anger as a tool to end discussion and neglect him.
She yells at Karen to stop her from talking. Befriending her only to learn more about surveillance and then abusing her social isolation as a housewife to control her is pretty awful.
It's small but she even neglects to tell Christopher his dog wasn't responsible for the bird's death, which isolated him from his dog because he felt guilty and sent the dog away for training.
Jen does a lot of controlling things to Judy, but a short list includes heartlessly chastising her for mourning at the freezer next to Steve, forcing her to bury him without a funeral, and demanding she break up with Michelle over a coincidence, while of course being a complete hypocrite and pursuing Ben.
I stopped watching after Jen used her influence over Judy to force the breakup with Michelle, because I am having such a hard time understanding why Jen went from complicated and conditionally sympathetic in S1 to basically the villain of S2.
Then I read she doesn't even get punished for murdering Steve (which by the way also isolated Judy). And murdering Steve was not even an accident like what Judy did to Ted, unless people accept the idea that Jen's rage (which she knows about but does not even attempt to treat or mitigate) is not her fault.
I feel like the relationship with Judy went from complicated friendship to abusive. I was rooting for their friendship in S1 but now I hope Judy gets away from Jen before Jen completely destroys her. (And of course, even in S1 when I thought Jen was more redeemable, she almost killed Judy by guilting her into attempted suicide.)
submitted by IndigoHawk to deadtome [link] [comments]


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Talks — TEDxTeen

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  3. Ted talks breakups - YouTube
  4. How to Get Over The End of a Relationship Antonio ...
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